It's shaping up to be a dark and stormy Friday here, but it's Friday nonetheless.
How about some random questions to kick it off?
Tell me...
Do you say splinter or sliver?
Do you say trash or garbage?
Do you make your bed every day?
Did you have to growing up?
What was the best thing that you ate this week (yummywise, not healthwise)?
Aaaand, Go!
Friday, April 30, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
brilliant
Is April too early to start planning for next April's birthday party??
Because I just fell in love with, am positive Savannah would go nuts for, and am convinced this is the best idea ever. And SO Savannah... she is all about pioneers (the only game she plays on the iPod is an Oregon Trail game), is obsessed with Little House on the Prairie, and has been begging for a real old fashioned bonnet for going on a year now.
I am definitely going to have to keep this in mind...
Because I just fell in love with, am positive Savannah would go nuts for, and am convinced this is the best idea ever. And SO Savannah... she is all about pioneers (the only game she plays on the iPod is an Oregon Trail game), is obsessed with Little House on the Prairie, and has been begging for a real old fashioned bonnet for going on a year now.
I am definitely going to have to keep this in mind...
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
24
What a difference 24 hours makes.
Last night I went to bed writing a blog post in my head.
I decided it was finally time to quit the surfacey complaining and the divulging of discouraging bits and pieces of what's been going on in my soul the last few weeks and then countering them with happier, upbeat, everything's looking brighter posts.
It was time to do an all out depression post.
How I'm seriously There. Seriously stuck and sliding into that bleak black abyss of what I know and dread to be a long road out.
How if I'm honest, I know that I was headed that way before all of this job and moving stuff came up and at first all of that was actually a nice distraction from the state of my head and my emotions. But by now the worry and the stress and the unknown combined with the being separated and having that disconnect from one of my biggest foundations and support (aka my husband)... it's all just overwhelmed and added fuel to the fire.
I was going to write about how I can see to the other side... I can see that my life is good and I know that am so lucky and so blessed and these silly little obstacles and unknowns right now are all going to be just fine, we'll be just fine, that I'm not a failure, that God really does know what he's doing, and I know I should have the faith to believe that -that I DO believe that, really...
But there's a huge chasm there, separating me from that.
There's a disconnect there that is very much my telltale sign of depression.
Disconnected is really the best word for it. Feeling so far removed from all that I know in my heart to be true.
And I just can't. make it. back.
I was going to write about all of that. Lots about all of that.
And there was no light at the end of the tunnel.
It was going to be just a depressing post about depression.
And then this morning the sun came out.
It literally came out and I went for a really long walk, had a really good prayer time, had a really good Bible study with two girlfriends, got a surprise offer and answer to an unrealized prayer, and had a great planning meeting and fellowship this evening with my fellow MOPS team girls (a grown up meeting, without kids around!)... and I feel like a different person.
It doesn't seem to matter that it was one of the busiest, most hectic days we've had in a long time (I feel like we were only home for about an hour today from about 8:30 this morning 'til 8:30 tonight) in between a dozen different things, going a million directions at once... it doesn't matter that this little baby that hangs out here was the crabbiest, cryingest I've ever seen him in the nine months I've known him, or that my kids are still the same kids who bug each other and can drive me batty... it doesn't matter that our house still hasn't sold or that we aren't even close to finding the right house for us down there or that there's no end in sight for this situation.
I talked just enough and shared just enough and cried just enough and prayed enough today that it feels like I finally shed a little bit of that darkness that I've been trying to ignore.
Maybe it's just that I finally acknowledged it and faced it and by doing that took away some of it's power.
Not that those feelings are gone- they're just not so consuming and oppressive and shaming.
And this little bit of feeling better doesn't feel like the past random "manic" days I've had lately where I'm just trying to "act" positive and happy and ignore those negative feelings...
I feel, for the first time in a long time, that I can swim through them and get little breaths of peace and real happiness... that I'm not going to drown.
That I'm not just going through the motions, but today I'm breathing.
I'm sure there will still be plenty of ups and downs. I'm not naive enough to believe I'm completely on my way out of this yet. Maybe that depression post is still to come. Maybe I'll need to do more acknowledging and facing and analyzing and maybe writing will be the way for me to do it.
But for now, for today, I just want to dwell in the grace of Jesus, in the prayers of friends and family, and in the hope of what's to come, trusting -for real!- that I'm going to be okay.
We'll see where I'm at in the next 24 hours :)
(Although if I were to take a guess; 24 hours from now we'll be looking at Friday and that's always good!)
This has been one of my favorite and most held fast truths of the Bible for years and years...
"For I know the thoughts that I am thinking toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of calamity, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11
Last night I went to bed writing a blog post in my head.
I decided it was finally time to quit the surfacey complaining and the divulging of discouraging bits and pieces of what's been going on in my soul the last few weeks and then countering them with happier, upbeat, everything's looking brighter posts.
It was time to do an all out depression post.
How I'm seriously There. Seriously stuck and sliding into that bleak black abyss of what I know and dread to be a long road out.
How if I'm honest, I know that I was headed that way before all of this job and moving stuff came up and at first all of that was actually a nice distraction from the state of my head and my emotions. But by now the worry and the stress and the unknown combined with the being separated and having that disconnect from one of my biggest foundations and support (aka my husband)... it's all just overwhelmed and added fuel to the fire.
I was going to write about how I can see to the other side... I can see that my life is good and I know that am so lucky and so blessed and these silly little obstacles and unknowns right now are all going to be just fine, we'll be just fine, that I'm not a failure, that God really does know what he's doing, and I know I should have the faith to believe that -that I DO believe that, really...
But there's a huge chasm there, separating me from that.
There's a disconnect there that is very much my telltale sign of depression.
Disconnected is really the best word for it. Feeling so far removed from all that I know in my heart to be true.
And I just can't. make it. back.
I was going to write about all of that. Lots about all of that.
And there was no light at the end of the tunnel.
It was going to be just a depressing post about depression.
And then this morning the sun came out.
It literally came out and I went for a really long walk, had a really good prayer time, had a really good Bible study with two girlfriends, got a surprise offer and answer to an unrealized prayer, and had a great planning meeting and fellowship this evening with my fellow MOPS team girls (a grown up meeting, without kids around!)... and I feel like a different person.
It doesn't seem to matter that it was one of the busiest, most hectic days we've had in a long time (I feel like we were only home for about an hour today from about 8:30 this morning 'til 8:30 tonight) in between a dozen different things, going a million directions at once... it doesn't matter that this little baby that hangs out here was the crabbiest, cryingest I've ever seen him in the nine months I've known him, or that my kids are still the same kids who bug each other and can drive me batty... it doesn't matter that our house still hasn't sold or that we aren't even close to finding the right house for us down there or that there's no end in sight for this situation.
I talked just enough and shared just enough and cried just enough and prayed enough today that it feels like I finally shed a little bit of that darkness that I've been trying to ignore.
Maybe it's just that I finally acknowledged it and faced it and by doing that took away some of it's power.
Not that those feelings are gone- they're just not so consuming and oppressive and shaming.
And this little bit of feeling better doesn't feel like the past random "manic" days I've had lately where I'm just trying to "act" positive and happy and ignore those negative feelings...
I feel, for the first time in a long time, that I can swim through them and get little breaths of peace and real happiness... that I'm not going to drown.
That I'm not just going through the motions, but today I'm breathing.
I'm sure there will still be plenty of ups and downs. I'm not naive enough to believe I'm completely on my way out of this yet. Maybe that depression post is still to come. Maybe I'll need to do more acknowledging and facing and analyzing and maybe writing will be the way for me to do it.
But for now, for today, I just want to dwell in the grace of Jesus, in the prayers of friends and family, and in the hope of what's to come, trusting -for real!- that I'm going to be okay.
We'll see where I'm at in the next 24 hours :)
(Although if I were to take a guess; 24 hours from now we'll be looking at Friday and that's always good!)
This has been one of my favorite and most held fast truths of the Bible for years and years...
"For I know the thoughts that I am thinking toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of calamity, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
if you don't have anything nice to say...
which is why I haven't been in the blogging mood lately.
Except for the happier birthday stuff!
Caleb has been super crabby (sick and teething) this week and I feel like I have no patience. I'm supposed to go visit with and go through a Bible study with some girlfriends tomorrow afternoon but depending on how our morning goes, I might have to pass on that as I don't feel like just consoling a fussy baby the whole time.
Sawyer really misses Savannah while she's at school all day and then just gets obnoxious annoying her for attention when she gets home. I think she just likes a little down time and he is just bouncing around bugging her, apparently in the 'negative attention is better than no attention' mindset.
He's like that for the first bit when Ryan gets home on the weekend too.
Not a fan.
Then again, I'm not a fan of much of this separate living arrangement lately, period.
I have two big Double-flowered Impatiens (I think that's what they are) on my front porch in two pots, on either side of the front step. I bought them about two weeks ago, they looked identical. Two of the same flower, in the same pots, getting the same amount of water and the same amount of sun. One looks awesome. One is going downhill fast, all wilty and sad and fading fast. I'm at a loss... what in the world?
Let's see... what else can I complain about??
I'm just feeling real discouraged this week.
And I'm grumpy because I'm trying to diet.
And I have some sort of pulled or pinched muscle in my leg... which is hampering the walking I've been doing so good keeping up on.
And LOST wasn't on tonight.
But I'm glad the sun is coming out tomorrow.
And my house is clean.
And I bought a new hair dryer (so I don't have to make sure I know where the fire extinguisher is before I dry my hair).
And a new shirt.
And I'm going to bed now.
ta-ta
Except for the happier birthday stuff!
Caleb has been super crabby (sick and teething) this week and I feel like I have no patience. I'm supposed to go visit with and go through a Bible study with some girlfriends tomorrow afternoon but depending on how our morning goes, I might have to pass on that as I don't feel like just consoling a fussy baby the whole time.
Sawyer really misses Savannah while she's at school all day and then just gets obnoxious annoying her for attention when she gets home. I think she just likes a little down time and he is just bouncing around bugging her, apparently in the 'negative attention is better than no attention' mindset.
He's like that for the first bit when Ryan gets home on the weekend too.
Not a fan.
Then again, I'm not a fan of much of this separate living arrangement lately, period.
I have two big Double-flowered Impatiens (I think that's what they are) on my front porch in two pots, on either side of the front step. I bought them about two weeks ago, they looked identical. Two of the same flower, in the same pots, getting the same amount of water and the same amount of sun. One looks awesome. One is going downhill fast, all wilty and sad and fading fast. I'm at a loss... what in the world?
Let's see... what else can I complain about??
I'm just feeling real discouraged this week.
And I'm grumpy because I'm trying to diet.
And I have some sort of pulled or pinched muscle in my leg... which is hampering the walking I've been doing so good keeping up on.
And LOST wasn't on tonight.
But I'm glad the sun is coming out tomorrow.
And my house is clean.
And I bought a new hair dryer (so I don't have to make sure I know where the fire extinguisher is before I dry my hair).
And a new shirt.
And I'm going to bed now.
ta-ta
Sunday, April 25, 2010
party animal
long overdue in coming, oh only a week after the fact...
but Savannah had a great birthday party this year!
She was set on an "animal" party and wanted to get planning nice and early. I had trouble with the theme she wanted... there was no specific animal she was thinking of, just animals in general and all she threw out were some ideas of friends dressing up like their favorite animal or bringing their favorite stuffed animal, etc. I tried researching party ideas but everything I came up with was either zoo animals or farm animals, which both seemed a little babyish to me for a seven year old's birthday. But we kept coming back to the stuffed animal idea and I started thinking about how obsessed she is with Build-a-Bear animals and accessories lately so I started thinking that way. I did a little more research and we decided on a build-a-bear type party with everyone stuffing their own animals... and then donating them as a group to children in need.
I researched charities and while the Children's Hospital, St Louis Crisis Nursery, SAFE (Stuffed Animals For Emergencies) and some local shelters were great options, ultimately, after discussing with our foster care agency, we decided to simply go with our local police department. Savannah wanted the animals to go to foster kids or kids put into alternative care, and the police are often the ones who have the children upon first entering care. The actual case management agency may not be assigned for up to a couple of days after the child is removed from their home and if the officers are equipped with a stuffed animal to offer the child(ren), they have something to take with them from place to place as they often do not have anything from their own home. This way too, in the case of any other trauma or emergency, such as a house fire, etc, they are available for more than just kids entering foster care.
Once this was all decided, we were psyched to get to get this show on the road.
Party details!
Invitations:
Goodie bags:
Savannah made them herself (after I helped cut out the felt shapes, she made the animal faces) and stuffed them with animal crackers (of course!!), animal stencils, a clicky color change pen and a notebook.
Cupcakes:
Fondant Animals!
The unstuffed animals before the party awaiting their stuffing:
(f.y.i.- I ordered the animals from here and we were very pleased with them.)
Mid-stuff:
And Stuff-ed!:
And of course some "party animal" games...
Pin the Tail on the Piggy
(whoops, I guess no picture of this one?!)
Animal Tail Tag...
(felt strips velcro'd onto a ribbon belt)
Duck, Duck, Goose (I think we all know what that looks like...)
and Face Painting...
I loved this party. I loved the idea of the girls getting together to give to celebrate Savannah's birthday and that we had so much fun with it!
Here's one last shot of Savannah and Sawyer outside the police station ready to donate the animals...
all 14 of them; we stuffed 12 and two of the girls also brought their own extra animals to the party to donate as well! How awesome is that?!!
but Savannah had a great birthday party this year!
She was set on an "animal" party and wanted to get planning nice and early. I had trouble with the theme she wanted... there was no specific animal she was thinking of, just animals in general and all she threw out were some ideas of friends dressing up like their favorite animal or bringing their favorite stuffed animal, etc. I tried researching party ideas but everything I came up with was either zoo animals or farm animals, which both seemed a little babyish to me for a seven year old's birthday. But we kept coming back to the stuffed animal idea and I started thinking about how obsessed she is with Build-a-Bear animals and accessories lately so I started thinking that way. I did a little more research and we decided on a build-a-bear type party with everyone stuffing their own animals... and then donating them as a group to children in need.
I researched charities and while the Children's Hospital, St Louis Crisis Nursery, SAFE (Stuffed Animals For Emergencies) and some local shelters were great options, ultimately, after discussing with our foster care agency, we decided to simply go with our local police department. Savannah wanted the animals to go to foster kids or kids put into alternative care, and the police are often the ones who have the children upon first entering care. The actual case management agency may not be assigned for up to a couple of days after the child is removed from their home and if the officers are equipped with a stuffed animal to offer the child(ren), they have something to take with them from place to place as they often do not have anything from their own home. This way too, in the case of any other trauma or emergency, such as a house fire, etc, they are available for more than just kids entering foster care.
Once this was all decided, we were psyched to get to get this show on the road.
Party details!
Invitations:
Goodie bags:
Savannah made them herself (after I helped cut out the felt shapes, she made the animal faces) and stuffed them with animal crackers (of course!!), animal stencils, a clicky color change pen and a notebook.
Cupcakes:
Fondant Animals!
The unstuffed animals before the party awaiting their stuffing:
(f.y.i.- I ordered the animals from here and we were very pleased with them.)
Mid-stuff:
And Stuff-ed!:
And of course some "party animal" games...
Pin the Tail on the Piggy
(whoops, I guess no picture of this one?!)
Animal Tail Tag...
(felt strips velcro'd onto a ribbon belt)
Duck, Duck, Goose (I think we all know what that looks like...)
and Face Painting...
I loved this party. I loved the idea of the girls getting together to give to celebrate Savannah's birthday and that we had so much fun with it!
Here's one last shot of Savannah and Sawyer outside the police station ready to donate the animals...
all 14 of them; we stuffed 12 and two of the girls also brought their own extra animals to the party to donate as well! How awesome is that?!!
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
somebody's seven
I don't know how it happened
But somebody turned seven last week
I don't know how it could be that seven years have passed
since we first met this kid
since we first saw her, heard her, held her
in seven short years she's become
so much more than I could even begin to imagine while holding that newborn
so smart
such fun
so dramatic
such a proud big sister
so much her own person
so grown up
and so still our baby girl
seven
But somebody turned seven last week
I don't know how it could be that seven years have passed
since we first met this kid
since we first saw her, heard her, held her
in seven short years she's become
so much more than I could even begin to imagine while holding that newborn
so smart
such fun
so dramatic
such a proud big sister
so much her own person
so grown up
and so still our baby girl
seven
tooth fairy fail
Savannah lost a tooth at school on Monday.
(Which I was all sorts of excited about seeing as I didn't have to deal with it this time!)
Monday night she and Sawyer got in mondo trouble for messing around (last straw of the day type thing) as they were supposed to be getting pajamas on, so I sent them to bed immediately. As in no snack, no teethbrushing (yes, that is most definitely a punishment around here... they freak out if I won't let them brush their teeth!), no books, no music, minimal tucking in and prayers, just right. into. bed.
For Miss Savannah that also meant no going downstairs to get her tooth out of the school nurse's little compact she came home with and bringing it up to place by her pillow for the tooth fairy.
Oh the horror.
She was upset, for sure, but kept herself pretty well in check as she understood I was not happy with how our evening went and that she kinda didn't deserve the chance to go ready her tooth in order to get a treat. She asked quietly if she could take care of it tomorrow, and if I thought the tooth fairy would know to come the next night instead. I said I sure hoped so.
And then I failed.
Last night she faithfully, hopefully, placed her tooth in it's pouch hanging on her bedpost.
And I assured her, when she questioned me, that the tooth fairy probably knew what was going on.
And then I promptly forgot about it.
It wasn't until I spoke to Ryan on the phone this morning and he asked about it that I remembered I had forgotten to fulfill my duties.
Luckily, Savannah hadn't remembered either. Yet.
At that point, I had only 15 minutes to distract her before she'd be off to school and then I could make the exchange and she'd never know it didn't happen overnight!
Except for a sad coincidence from a certain pesky little brother.
We got a new game called Pictureka. It's an I spy/where's Waldo type game where you pick cards with pictures on them and you have to find the item in the sea of drawings.
Sawyer was playing (by himself) this morning while we were getting ready.
Suddenly he ran upstairs with a card, all eager to show Savannah...
it was a tooth.
"It looks just like the one you losted!"
"Oh yeah, I need to check and see if the tooth fairy came!!"
Doh!
What are the chances?
Anyway, she was pretty bummed, worried that she missed her chance at her coins. She told me she thinks she just has to wait until she loses her next tooth now and it'll be a two in one stop type deal.
Uh- I was just going to make up for it tonight, but I guess that works?
the evil, rat out the tooth fairy card...
(Which I was all sorts of excited about seeing as I didn't have to deal with it this time!)
Monday night she and Sawyer got in mondo trouble for messing around (last straw of the day type thing) as they were supposed to be getting pajamas on, so I sent them to bed immediately. As in no snack, no teethbrushing (yes, that is most definitely a punishment around here... they freak out if I won't let them brush their teeth!), no books, no music, minimal tucking in and prayers, just right. into. bed.
For Miss Savannah that also meant no going downstairs to get her tooth out of the school nurse's little compact she came home with and bringing it up to place by her pillow for the tooth fairy.
Oh the horror.
She was upset, for sure, but kept herself pretty well in check as she understood I was not happy with how our evening went and that she kinda didn't deserve the chance to go ready her tooth in order to get a treat. She asked quietly if she could take care of it tomorrow, and if I thought the tooth fairy would know to come the next night instead. I said I sure hoped so.
And then I failed.
Last night she faithfully, hopefully, placed her tooth in it's pouch hanging on her bedpost.
And I assured her, when she questioned me, that the tooth fairy probably knew what was going on.
And then I promptly forgot about it.
It wasn't until I spoke to Ryan on the phone this morning and he asked about it that I remembered I had forgotten to fulfill my duties.
Luckily, Savannah hadn't remembered either. Yet.
At that point, I had only 15 minutes to distract her before she'd be off to school and then I could make the exchange and she'd never know it didn't happen overnight!
Except for a sad coincidence from a certain pesky little brother.
We got a new game called Pictureka. It's an I spy/where's Waldo type game where you pick cards with pictures on them and you have to find the item in the sea of drawings.
Sawyer was playing (by himself) this morning while we were getting ready.
Suddenly he ran upstairs with a card, all eager to show Savannah...
it was a tooth.
"It looks just like the one you losted!"
"Oh yeah, I need to check and see if the tooth fairy came!!"
Doh!
What are the chances?
Anyway, she was pretty bummed, worried that she missed her chance at her coins. She told me she thinks she just has to wait until she loses her next tooth now and it'll be a two in one stop type deal.
Uh- I was just going to make up for it tonight, but I guess that works?
the evil, rat out the tooth fairy card...
Sunday, April 18, 2010
crazy, busy, wonderful
We had a good weekend.
A good long weekend.
A birthday, dinners out, soccer games, lots of sunshine, a cut lawn, new flowers, shopping, lots of shopping, date night, a musical, sunshine, Chinese take-out, fondant, strawberries, sprinkles, ice cream, sunshine, pierced ears, birthday party games, friends, did I mention sunshine, and a full four days of our family together.
We saw Ryan off this evening, I fed the kids dinner and got them into bed.
Now I'm thinking a warm bubble bath sounds awfully good to me and bed early is very very appealing. It's been a crazy busy weekend. And wonderful.
I'll be back to expound on the birthday details -both the birthday and the partay- tomorrow after the reality of Monday starting all over sets in... and the aftermath of the party gets cleaned up and I get two kids ready for school school and entertain a baby all day and regroup from the "vacation" of the long weekend and be back in house showing mode.
For now I'm going to revel in the wonderful.
A good long weekend.
A birthday, dinners out, soccer games, lots of sunshine, a cut lawn, new flowers, shopping, lots of shopping, date night, a musical, sunshine, Chinese take-out, fondant, strawberries, sprinkles, ice cream, sunshine, pierced ears, birthday party games, friends, did I mention sunshine, and a full four days of our family together.
We saw Ryan off this evening, I fed the kids dinner and got them into bed.
Now I'm thinking a warm bubble bath sounds awfully good to me and bed early is very very appealing. It's been a crazy busy weekend. And wonderful.
I'll be back to expound on the birthday details -both the birthday and the partay- tomorrow after the reality of Monday starting all over sets in... and the aftermath of the party gets cleaned up and I get two kids ready for school school and entertain a baby all day and regroup from the "vacation" of the long weekend and be back in house showing mode.
For now I'm going to revel in the wonderful.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
last week, this week, the kids, blah blah blah
Warning: random and messy post
Last week was a rough week. Rough.
Friday? Was I think safe to say the worst day I remember of the last ten years. It started off as just "one of those mornings"... only it was the last straw of the week, we were (I was) trying to get the house cleaned and us packed up for a quick trip down to Nashville, and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day was too much for me. I lost it. LOST. IT.
All the stress of being on my own 80+% of the week, keeping the house ready to show, being out of the house for showings, doing all the kid stuff, the stress of whether our house will sell or not, how much money we might lose on it, how much it's going to cost us to move, the fact that we can't find (afford) a house down there that works for us, needing a new car but needing to secure a new mortgage first, and seeing no end in sight... it all came crashing down. Plus I'm tired of ransacking my closet for these last few weeks of 80 degree summerlike weather and hating everything because in all this stress I have conveniently gained like 10 pounds. Or more. It's depressing. And so continues the cycle.
Anyway, Friday I was not a pretty sight. It all seemed so suffocating to me; being disappointed and frustrated with how all of this is working out -or not working out-, trying to ignore this depression funk I feel like I'm slipping into lately, feeling overwhelmed with all the stress; the kids were a mess, I was a huge mess and just. so. done.
I spent probably half of the day crying. Feeling like I'm failing at all of this. Feeling stupid for not being able to handle a few months of single parenting, silly for being stressed about house stuff when I know it's all in God's hands.
I had a little [big] break down. A mini [not really] anxiety attack. The one of the worst Mommy days -heck just the worst Heather day- in a long time. Maybe ever.
I broke down mid-morning, finally got us out of the house and on the road by noon, still with tears falling most of the morning, and proceeded to still cry most of the five hour trip to Nashville.
I was so ready to see my husband.
And let it all out.
And then we had a great weekend.
(Still no promising houses for us... but I guess that's okay since we have no promising buyers here yet either)
The kids and I drove home Sunday evening and had a great ride (the kids were honestly perfect angels the whole trip) and I felt ready to tackle another week.
It helped that it's a short week this week. It helped to know it would only be three days until Ryan was coming home for a long weekend for his baby girl's birthday. :)
And this week has been good.
I was telling a girlfriend the other day that I've been completely praising God daily for this extraordinary weather we've had this spring... it feels like summer and we've been outside and in the sun almost every day. Really if I'm not busy with something pertinent inside, we've been out of doors constantly the past few weeks. If I had to deal with very many bouts of rainy dreary weather right now, I don't think it would bode well for me. The sunshine makes me smile. Being out in the gorgeous green St Louis springtime is amazing and would have to lift anyone's spirits. Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy... :)
The only negative is that I've been bad bad bad with taking any snapshots of all this soaking up the sun. Imagine photos inserted here...
We'll get some use out of it this week yet, though as tomorrow is SJ's birthday. Unbelievable. Seven years old. I cannot wrap my mind around that. She's so old. Getting her ears pierced tomorrow. Planning her own birthday party. Milking it for all it's worth since it's "my last birthday in St Louis".
She's been a ton of fun lately. A little less goofy, a little more grown up, but still making me smile more and more. I love to watch her lately. Love (and hate) to see how she's changing, love (and hate) to see the way her mind works and being reminded of how fast kids grow up, love (and hate) to try and remember her as a little baby seven years ago. Was that really seven years ago?! Seems like yesterday.
Sawyer's been super sweet lately too. A little emotional with all this stuff going on (who isn't these days?) but extra snuggly too. He'll run out of the middle of soccer practice, across the field just to come over and give me a random hug out of the blue and tell me he loves me. I say 'I love you too' and he says 'but I love you the most, more than you, you know!'. Makes my heart smile.
Made me smile today too, as we were eating lunch out in the midst of errands and he was chatting it up with another preschooler nearby. He asked this kid's name and was told it was Brandon Joe. Then Brandon Joe went back to his lunch. And Sawyer proceeded to turn to me and say (rather loudly)(and this isn't the part that made me smile- quite the contrary) ' Brandon Joe? That's a dumb name!'
I was astonished. Horrified. I didn't look over, but I'm sure Brandon Jo's dad heard that.
'Sawyer, why on earth would you say that? You never say mean things like that, especially to new friends... what's gotten into you? That is not a kind thing to say.'
'Well, it is a dumb name! Don't you think it's a dumb name? Brandon Joe? Wow. Thats the dumbest name I ever heard.'
I was still flabberghasted. 'I think it's a great name for a great kid. How would you feel if someone thought Sawyer was a dumb name?'
'They don't' he stated completely matter-of-factly.
'Well, they might. Someone might think Sawyer Isaac is a dumb name but I don't think they would say that because it's your name and that might hurt your feelings.'
'Well, no one would say it because it's not a dumb name and it'll never be a dumb name. It's the best name because you and daddy made it and because it's me!!' and then he added with a head tilt, slight wink and a Friends/Joey How-You-Doin' type nod and tone, 'Sawyer Isaac is cool....'
I couldn't help but laugh... followed by more manners coaching of course.
And hoping the boys' dad wasn't overhearing all of this and shaking his head how full of himself my kid is...
The third kid around here is pretty fun to hang out with these days too. It probably helps that I haven't had him for a full week in I can't remember how long, what with him hanging out with grandparents and a couple of weeks of spring break vacations here and there. And not to mention that I get to bid him farewell every day a 5pm! But he's at such a fun age (9 months) and just loving his buddies here in Savannah and Sawyer. They're having a blast entertaining Caleb. I'm realizing he's all boy though as just this morning he ripped a board book and tore a knob off of our tv cabinet and managed to empty out his diaper bag in a blink. I have a feeling he's going to be a busy one! At least he's a mostly smiley busy one!!
Well, birthday busyness starts tomorrow, so I have some work to do.
ttfn :)
Last week was a rough week. Rough.
Friday? Was I think safe to say the worst day I remember of the last ten years. It started off as just "one of those mornings"... only it was the last straw of the week, we were (I was) trying to get the house cleaned and us packed up for a quick trip down to Nashville, and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day was too much for me. I lost it. LOST. IT.
All the stress of being on my own 80+% of the week, keeping the house ready to show, being out of the house for showings, doing all the kid stuff, the stress of whether our house will sell or not, how much money we might lose on it, how much it's going to cost us to move, the fact that we can't find (afford) a house down there that works for us, needing a new car but needing to secure a new mortgage first, and seeing no end in sight... it all came crashing down. Plus I'm tired of ransacking my closet for these last few weeks of 80 degree summerlike weather and hating everything because in all this stress I have conveniently gained like 10 pounds. Or more. It's depressing. And so continues the cycle.
Anyway, Friday I was not a pretty sight. It all seemed so suffocating to me; being disappointed and frustrated with how all of this is working out -or not working out-, trying to ignore this depression funk I feel like I'm slipping into lately, feeling overwhelmed with all the stress; the kids were a mess, I was a huge mess and just. so. done.
I spent probably half of the day crying. Feeling like I'm failing at all of this. Feeling stupid for not being able to handle a few months of single parenting, silly for being stressed about house stuff when I know it's all in God's hands.
I had a little [big] break down. A mini [not really] anxiety attack. The one of the worst Mommy days -heck just the worst Heather day- in a long time. Maybe ever.
I broke down mid-morning, finally got us out of the house and on the road by noon, still with tears falling most of the morning, and proceeded to still cry most of the five hour trip to Nashville.
I was so ready to see my husband.
And let it all out.
And then we had a great weekend.
(Still no promising houses for us... but I guess that's okay since we have no promising buyers here yet either)
The kids and I drove home Sunday evening and had a great ride (the kids were honestly perfect angels the whole trip) and I felt ready to tackle another week.
It helped that it's a short week this week. It helped to know it would only be three days until Ryan was coming home for a long weekend for his baby girl's birthday. :)
And this week has been good.
I was telling a girlfriend the other day that I've been completely praising God daily for this extraordinary weather we've had this spring... it feels like summer and we've been outside and in the sun almost every day. Really if I'm not busy with something pertinent inside, we've been out of doors constantly the past few weeks. If I had to deal with very many bouts of rainy dreary weather right now, I don't think it would bode well for me. The sunshine makes me smile. Being out in the gorgeous green St Louis springtime is amazing and would have to lift anyone's spirits. Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy... :)
The only negative is that I've been bad bad bad with taking any snapshots of all this soaking up the sun. Imagine photos inserted here...
- kids carwashing
- giant murals of chalk drawings
- s'mores with the neighbors
- feeding the ducks at the pond
- lots of picnics
- bare feet
- bike rides
- evening walks
- chasing bunnies
- watering flowers
- first soccer practices of the season
- dirty feet
- reading on blankets in the grass
We'll get some use out of it this week yet, though as tomorrow is SJ's birthday. Unbelievable. Seven years old. I cannot wrap my mind around that. She's so old. Getting her ears pierced tomorrow. Planning her own birthday party. Milking it for all it's worth since it's "my last birthday in St Louis".
She's been a ton of fun lately. A little less goofy, a little more grown up, but still making me smile more and more. I love to watch her lately. Love (and hate) to see how she's changing, love (and hate) to see the way her mind works and being reminded of how fast kids grow up, love (and hate) to try and remember her as a little baby seven years ago. Was that really seven years ago?! Seems like yesterday.
Sawyer's been super sweet lately too. A little emotional with all this stuff going on (who isn't these days?) but extra snuggly too. He'll run out of the middle of soccer practice, across the field just to come over and give me a random hug out of the blue and tell me he loves me. I say 'I love you too' and he says 'but I love you the most, more than you, you know!'. Makes my heart smile.
Made me smile today too, as we were eating lunch out in the midst of errands and he was chatting it up with another preschooler nearby. He asked this kid's name and was told it was Brandon Joe. Then Brandon Joe went back to his lunch. And Sawyer proceeded to turn to me and say (rather loudly)(and this isn't the part that made me smile- quite the contrary) ' Brandon Joe? That's a dumb name!'
I was astonished. Horrified. I didn't look over, but I'm sure Brandon Jo's dad heard that.
'Sawyer, why on earth would you say that? You never say mean things like that, especially to new friends... what's gotten into you? That is not a kind thing to say.'
'Well, it is a dumb name! Don't you think it's a dumb name? Brandon Joe? Wow. Thats the dumbest name I ever heard.'
I was still flabberghasted. 'I think it's a great name for a great kid. How would you feel if someone thought Sawyer was a dumb name?'
'They don't' he stated completely matter-of-factly.
'Well, they might. Someone might think Sawyer Isaac is a dumb name but I don't think they would say that because it's your name and that might hurt your feelings.'
'Well, no one would say it because it's not a dumb name and it'll never be a dumb name. It's the best name because you and daddy made it and because it's me!!' and then he added with a head tilt, slight wink and a Friends/Joey How-You-Doin' type nod and tone, 'Sawyer Isaac is cool....'
I couldn't help but laugh... followed by more manners coaching of course.
And hoping the boys' dad wasn't overhearing all of this and shaking his head how full of himself my kid is...
The third kid around here is pretty fun to hang out with these days too. It probably helps that I haven't had him for a full week in I can't remember how long, what with him hanging out with grandparents and a couple of weeks of spring break vacations here and there. And not to mention that I get to bid him farewell every day a 5pm! But he's at such a fun age (9 months) and just loving his buddies here in Savannah and Sawyer. They're having a blast entertaining Caleb. I'm realizing he's all boy though as just this morning he ripped a board book and tore a knob off of our tv cabinet and managed to empty out his diaper bag in a blink. I have a feeling he's going to be a busy one! At least he's a mostly smiley busy one!!
Well, birthday busyness starts tomorrow, so I have some work to do.
ttfn :)
Thursday, April 8, 2010
winner, right here
I bet that if someone kept track, I'd be off the charts.
I bet that I could qualify for some kind of record.
I bet that if there was a contest I'd win.
I'd blow everyone out of the water.
Hands down.
It wouldn't even be a competition.
I am the biggest, most obvious, worst, sorriest, whatever adjective you want to put with it, procrastinator.
And it's all just magnified after 6pm.
I seriously cannot get anything done at night. I just sit around and dread whatever it is that I need to do and find other ways to waste my time and all the while keep thinking to myself it's not that much, just do it and get it over with and be done with it!
And then still sit around and dread whatever it is that I need to do and find other ways to waste my time and then think to myself well, since it's really not that much I can just get it done real quick in the morning as I'd so rather be lazy right now and NOT do it!
Like right now.
At least I do get it done in the morning. (i'm so much more a motivated morning person!)
I'm just at that point always kicking myself for not just getting it done the night before.
I bet that I could qualify for some kind of record.
I bet that if there was a contest I'd win.
I'd blow everyone out of the water.
Hands down.
It wouldn't even be a competition.
I am the biggest, most obvious, worst, sorriest, whatever adjective you want to put with it, procrastinator.
And it's all just magnified after 6pm.
I seriously cannot get anything done at night. I just sit around and dread whatever it is that I need to do and find other ways to waste my time and all the while keep thinking to myself it's not that much, just do it and get it over with and be done with it!
And then still sit around and dread whatever it is that I need to do and find other ways to waste my time and then think to myself well, since it's really not that much I can just get it done real quick in the morning as I'd so rather be lazy right now and NOT do it!
Like right now.
At least I do get it done in the morning. (i'm so much more a motivated morning person!)
I'm just at that point always kicking myself for not just getting it done the night before.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
over the hump
Wow, I'm glad Wednesday's at least over and we're on the downward slope of this week.
Tis not been a good one 'round here...
Besides the mandatory feedingtwo three kids three meals and getting two of them ready for and to and from school (not to mention special pet show day at school for Sawyer and major project due for Savannah), I realized as I was putting the kids to bed tonight, that really the only two things I got accomplished today were managing a great workout walk with a friend this morning, and emptying the dishwasher. Which was full of clean dishes from Easter dinner on Sunday.
And I was proud of myself for accomplishing that much considering the mood everyone was in and the kind of day we had!
Oh and I finally put together and mailed out (actually she addressed them all herself and put them in the mailbox) Savannah's birthday invitations:
and coincidentally, these came in the mail today as well:
forward motion on the par-tay! Yay, can't wait!!
Tis not been a good one 'round here...
Besides the mandatory feeding
And I was proud of myself for accomplishing that much considering the mood everyone was in and the kind of day we had!
Oh and I finally put together and mailed out (actually she addressed them all herself and put them in the mailbox) Savannah's birthday invitations:
and coincidentally, these came in the mail today as well:
forward motion on the par-tay! Yay, can't wait!!
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
shoo
nothing new from me today except a couple of pointers;
let me point you this way...
A fun giveaway here along with a really good cause you can donate to.
Heard this speaker at MOPS today... very impressed. He's a dad, husband, pastor, author, foster and adoption advocate, and a whole lot more. Can't wait to read/hear/see more from him!
Please join me in praying for Emma... tonight, in the weeks to come, but especially specifically tomorrow morning as she's undergoing surgery on her one week birthday.
let me point you this way...
A fun giveaway here along with a really good cause you can donate to.
Heard this speaker at MOPS today... very impressed. He's a dad, husband, pastor, author, foster and adoption advocate, and a whole lot more. Can't wait to read/hear/see more from him!
Please join me in praying for Emma... tonight, in the weeks to come, but especially specifically tomorrow morning as she's undergoing surgery on her one week birthday.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
eas-tired
I am completely wiped out. And am no where near able to go to bed yet.
So last week I didn't have Caleb (the eight month old I watch) here all week and it was gorgeous weather and I did awesome at keeping the house clean.
And not a single person wanted to look at our house.
I even did a special deep clean on Friday, with everything perfectly ready to show, since we were going to be out of the house all day long and we had just had the house relisted at a lower price, I thought for sure we'd get some traffic.
Nothing. Nada. All week or all weekend.
But now.
After a whirlwind weekend (seriously-- was it not just Friday afternoon??) full of a quick-Ryan's-here-let's-get-this-done-yard project (which turned out -as always- to be a bigger project than we thought and took much of the whole two days) and hosting a big Easter dinner at our house, we were putting our yard back together and Ryan was mowing the lawn 'till after 6pm and then quick throwing his things in the car and heading back to Nashville way too late for our taste...
Now. Now we have a showing set for 9am tomorrow.
I'm not complaining... I want the house traffic to pick up again.
It's just that my house is trashed. Well, not really the house... mainly the kitchen. And the dining room. And the playroom. And my bedroom. (what... I had to figure out an Easter outfit!)
I just now got the kids to bed (no school tomorrow) and I sat down to look over my pictures from today real quick while they settle down and now I really really don't want to get up and clean. And then get up early to take Caleb. And then make sure the house is great and get three kids out the door by 9.
I want it to be Saturday again. And I really really just want to go to bed.
Oh hey, Happy Easter!
We had the Swinigans over for dinner (lunch) and were just basking in the great Easter weather. Sundresses and bare feet! Sunshine and outdoor egg hunts! Love it!!
Ryan and I were actually a little sunburned from working out in the yard yesterday and I noticed this evening Savannah's got a little pink on her arms from today. It's been too long since we've had such sunny warm Easters!
We tried to change up our somehow-became-traditional family picture this year by moving outdoors to take advantage of the gorgeous weather.
Word of advice: when you marry a squinty-eyed smiler and you have squinty-eyed smiling kids and you try to take pictures out of doors on sunny, nomal people may squint kind of days... you won't see anything resembling eyes.
So back inside for the same old, same old...
Hope your Easter was Happy!
So last week I didn't have Caleb (the eight month old I watch) here all week and it was gorgeous weather and I did awesome at keeping the house clean.
And not a single person wanted to look at our house.
I even did a special deep clean on Friday, with everything perfectly ready to show, since we were going to be out of the house all day long and we had just had the house relisted at a lower price, I thought for sure we'd get some traffic.
Nothing. Nada. All week or all weekend.
But now.
After a whirlwind weekend (seriously-- was it not just Friday afternoon??) full of a quick-Ryan's-here-let's-get-this-done-yard project (which turned out -as always- to be a bigger project than we thought and took much of the whole two days) and hosting a big Easter dinner at our house, we were putting our yard back together and Ryan was mowing the lawn 'till after 6pm and then quick throwing his things in the car and heading back to Nashville way too late for our taste...
Now. Now we have a showing set for 9am tomorrow.
I'm not complaining... I want the house traffic to pick up again.
It's just that my house is trashed. Well, not really the house... mainly the kitchen. And the dining room. And the playroom. And my bedroom. (what... I had to figure out an Easter outfit!)
I just now got the kids to bed (no school tomorrow) and I sat down to look over my pictures from today real quick while they settle down and now I really really don't want to get up and clean. And then get up early to take Caleb. And then make sure the house is great and get three kids out the door by 9.
I want it to be Saturday again. And I really really just want to go to bed.
Oh hey, Happy Easter!
We had the Swinigans over for dinner (lunch) and were just basking in the great Easter weather. Sundresses and bare feet! Sunshine and outdoor egg hunts! Love it!!
Ryan and I were actually a little sunburned from working out in the yard yesterday and I noticed this evening Savannah's got a little pink on her arms from today. It's been too long since we've had such sunny warm Easters!
We tried to change up our somehow-became-traditional family picture this year by moving outdoors to take advantage of the gorgeous weather.
Word of advice: when you marry a squinty-eyed smiler and you have squinty-eyed smiling kids and you try to take pictures out of doors on sunny, nomal people may squint kind of days... you won't see anything resembling eyes.
So back inside for the same old, same old...
Hope your Easter was Happy!
Thursday, April 1, 2010
april already
Sorry for the venty post yesterday. I'm just a little discouraged in that it's only been a month... but it seems like a lot longer than that and there's no end in sight yet. I'll just be relieved to have plans in place (read: a contract on our house) and a time frame to work around instead of feeling like it might go on forever. I miss my husband. I really like him and we kinda like hanging out together, you know?
When we first listed the house everyone was asking me, "what are you going to do if it sells right away??"... now the thing everyone asks me is "what are you going to do if it doesn't sell??".
Ugh. I'm not thinking about that.
We've actually been having really really good days this week. I blame it on the weather. :) It's been absolutely awesome. Today was like summer. Sawyer and I ran some errands this morning (in shorts and flip flops), had a picnic lunch at the park before speech class, came home and did a little more yardwork, a lot more playing outside, donned bathing suits (the kids, not me) when SJ got home and washed the car, came inside only for dinner, and then had s'mores and a backyard fire with a bunch of the neighbors till it started getting dark.
I thought a few times about grabbing my camera but we were really just enjoying ourselves so much that I didn't want to interrupt at all with trying to get 'good shots'. I just wanted to relax and enjoy my kids and the sunshine.
I did take a couple of pics tonight though... with it being April 1st, I last minute this afternoon decided I couldn't let April Fools Day get by without some kind of foolishness around here. It had been a couple of years since I pulled the dessert for dinner thing so I thought I'd give it another whirl. This time it was a cake for dinner...
Savannah had my number, but Sawyer didn't have a clue and you should have seen the poor kid's eyes light up when I told him we were having cake for dinner. I actually felt bad when he saw it on the table and produced a big fist pump and an emphatic "SWEET!".
Savannah let him down easy... telling him cautiously, "it might not really be cake Sawyer, it might be an April Fool's joke." And then they both stuck their fingers in the "frosting" and said, "yep it's not real."
They were not amused.
Our "cake":
Two patties of meatloaf with a ketchup "filling" and frosted with mashed potatoes.
I gave them "lemonade" too and Savannah remembered that from last year but once again, poor naive Sawyer didn't have a clue and told me his straw wasn't working. :)
He got me back though... for the rest of the evening he kept telling me silly things and following it up with "April Fools!!!". No, it didn't get old at all.
And no, my kids don't normally eat dinner in their pj's. They decided they wanted to wear them for dinner and snuck up to change and then came down and said, "April Fools!!". I thought it was pretty cute. It was probably Sawyer's idea. He got these hand-me-down Scooby Doo pajamas the other day and it's been a fight to get him to wear anything else (like, you know, during the day to go to school or out in public?) ever since.
Oh, I almost forgot! I did do a preplanned joke on Savannah this morning... since she's the one who says April Fools is her favorite holiday (??!??). I bought a bag of Cheetos and emptied it out, filled it with carrots instead and resealed the top with double sided tape. I was so excited to get her... thinking she'd be SO excited to find Cheetos in her lunch (we NEVER buy those) and then BAM- April Fools! Well, turns out she never opened them. I knew she'd be let down -although impressed by the joke- in not really having Cheetos for a treat in her lunch so I added some little leftover mini Chips A'hoy cookies we had for her dessert. Well, turns out she ate those first and then claims she ran out of time. Meaning she left her yogurt and a ham and cheese bagel and her "Cheetos" untouched. Oh I was so bummed! After grilling her after she got home and being shocked that she didn't mention the Cheetos trick, I made her recheck her lunch and that's when she sheepishly admitted she only ate cookies for lunch. But she did find the carrots and did think it was pretty funny.
She didn't think it was funny when I told her she was never getting cookies in her lunch again though.
Any other good tricks out there today??
When we first listed the house everyone was asking me, "what are you going to do if it sells right away??"... now the thing everyone asks me is "what are you going to do if it doesn't sell??".
Ugh. I'm not thinking about that.
We've actually been having really really good days this week. I blame it on the weather. :) It's been absolutely awesome. Today was like summer. Sawyer and I ran some errands this morning (in shorts and flip flops), had a picnic lunch at the park before speech class, came home and did a little more yardwork, a lot more playing outside, donned bathing suits (the kids, not me) when SJ got home and washed the car, came inside only for dinner, and then had s'mores and a backyard fire with a bunch of the neighbors till it started getting dark.
I thought a few times about grabbing my camera but we were really just enjoying ourselves so much that I didn't want to interrupt at all with trying to get 'good shots'. I just wanted to relax and enjoy my kids and the sunshine.
I did take a couple of pics tonight though... with it being April 1st, I last minute this afternoon decided I couldn't let April Fools Day get by without some kind of foolishness around here. It had been a couple of years since I pulled the dessert for dinner thing so I thought I'd give it another whirl. This time it was a cake for dinner...
Savannah had my number, but Sawyer didn't have a clue and you should have seen the poor kid's eyes light up when I told him we were having cake for dinner. I actually felt bad when he saw it on the table and produced a big fist pump and an emphatic "SWEET!".
Savannah let him down easy... telling him cautiously, "it might not really be cake Sawyer, it might be an April Fool's joke." And then they both stuck their fingers in the "frosting" and said, "yep it's not real."
They were not amused.
Our "cake":
Two patties of meatloaf with a ketchup "filling" and frosted with mashed potatoes.
I gave them "lemonade" too and Savannah remembered that from last year but once again, poor naive Sawyer didn't have a clue and told me his straw wasn't working. :)
He got me back though... for the rest of the evening he kept telling me silly things and following it up with "April Fools!!!". No, it didn't get old at all.
And no, my kids don't normally eat dinner in their pj's. They decided they wanted to wear them for dinner and snuck up to change and then came down and said, "April Fools!!". I thought it was pretty cute. It was probably Sawyer's idea. He got these hand-me-down Scooby Doo pajamas the other day and it's been a fight to get him to wear anything else (like, you know, during the day to go to school or out in public?) ever since.
Oh, I almost forgot! I did do a preplanned joke on Savannah this morning... since she's the one who says April Fools is her favorite holiday (??!??). I bought a bag of Cheetos and emptied it out, filled it with carrots instead and resealed the top with double sided tape. I was so excited to get her... thinking she'd be SO excited to find Cheetos in her lunch (we NEVER buy those) and then BAM- April Fools! Well, turns out she never opened them. I knew she'd be let down -although impressed by the joke- in not really having Cheetos for a treat in her lunch so I added some little leftover mini Chips A'hoy cookies we had for her dessert. Well, turns out she ate those first and then claims she ran out of time. Meaning she left her yogurt and a ham and cheese bagel and her "Cheetos" untouched. Oh I was so bummed! After grilling her after she got home and being shocked that she didn't mention the Cheetos trick, I made her recheck her lunch and that's when she sheepishly admitted she only ate cookies for lunch. But she did find the carrots and did think it was pretty funny.
She didn't think it was funny when I told her she was never getting cookies in her lunch again though.
Any other good tricks out there today??
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