my smarties

I'm not usually that braggy of a parent.  Maybe borderline here on the blog, but that's only because it's partially a baby book slash only record keeping I do with my kids of any kind. ;)

So in that light, I have to make mention that the kids brought their report cards home yesterday.  Savannah got straight A's and Sawyer had all E's (A equivalent for Kindergartners) except for one "S".  In PE of all things.  Go figure.  He was given an E for effort, but an overall grade of S?  That kid?  In PE?  I'm confused.

Anyway. 
Savannah also brought home her ThinkLink test scores.  These are a precursor to the state TCAP testing they'll be doing later this spring.  A preview if you will.  She scored Advanced in both Mathematics and in Language Arts.  With a national percentile of 67 in Math and a whopping 97 in Reading/Language Arts.  97th percentile.  Nationally.  That?  Is Awesome. 
I hope it makes her feel that much more confident about taking the TCAPs as she's still pretty nervous about it.

We went out to ice cream to celebrate.
Before dinner. :)

good day sunshine

I'm wondering if 80 degrees and sunshine makes any weekend amazing or if it was just good timing. ;)

We had our first, what I'm calling pseudo, foster care stint this past weekend.  Not a placement of our own, but providing a few days of respite for a fellow resource family who's had three kids for the past ten months. [Respite care, fyi, is when a family providing foster care needs a break or "time off" from caring for the children they have in their home... it is often used in instances with very dependent or difficult children whose caregivers need a break or also if the caregiver needs to travel or vacation without the foster children in their home, etc.]
We were only taking the youngest one of the three (the other two went to their grandparents house for the weekend, but the youngest does not share relation to this set of grandparents) and all I knew going into the situation was that he was 18 months old.  I didn't know how long he'd been in care, how long he'd been with this family, if it was a 'NEED a break' situation or just a relaxed weekend thing.  So for all I knew, we could be stepping into a wild and crazy weekend!  Thankfully, the whole three days were amazing.  Absolute best case scenario.  We had lots of fun and he was the sweetest little boy in the world.  Seriously, So. Good.  He slept 11-12 hours a night, ate like a champ, and had a fun fun fun personality.   And the biggest blue eyes I've seen on a kid ever.
Ryan kept asking, "are you sure they don't just want to leave him here? Cuz we'll keep him!!"

Little Mr P tagged along with us bright and early to the baseball fields for practice Saturday where we played ball and hung out on the playground, but mostly just spent the morning walking around wanting to follow either Sawyer or Clementine around the whole time. :)

Despite the fact that it looks like Ryan's keeping the dog in check while P's petting her (random awkward snapshot moment!), Tiny loved this little guy and followed him around everywhere in our house like she was his little nanny herself.  Of course, that could have something to do with the fact that he liked to share his snacks and meals with her... :)







The kids loved having our little buddy here and were so eager to help, it was awesome!  We went out to lunch after church on Sunday as an extra fun 'thank you' for our kids and such a great weekend.  And whad'ya know, this kid was an absolute peach at the restaurant too, despite being hungry and sleepy!  After lunch we took a nice little drive in the beautiful weather and came home to nap before P's (foster)Mama came and picked him up that afternoon and we said our goodbyes.

To cap off our perfectly sunshiney weekend, we had just enough time after P left to jump in the car and hit the tail end of Sonic's happy hour to grab slushes and the four of us took the puppy to her first Dog Park experience. :)  There's a playground next door where the kids mostly hung out, and a great little creek (although not so little right now with all the storms we've had lately, but I'm sure it's a fun little creek in the summer!) down below the fenced dog areas, so I think it'll become a regular hang out spot for us.  Clementine loved it... they have the bark park sectioned off so there's separate areas for small dogs and big dogs.  Which is good because the way some of the big dogs run around, those little dogs would be trampled!!  Even the beagle sized dogs were having trouble keeping out of the way sometimes!  Clementine met another big boy Great Dane (a 165lb harlequin) and another Dane/maybe greyhound? mix (tall, skinny thing, but with a hound/great danish face) and even being on the "big dog" side, other than those two she was the tallest pooch there.  At not quite six months old. Ha!  But she had a blast tearing around the place with them.  And learning her manners with a pack of dogs.  And learning to drink from the dog drinking fountain (that the 165lb boy was afraid of!!).

Mmmm... I could take a few dozen more of these sunny 80/85° weekends!!

we now have photo evidence at the end of the rainbow

It seemed like it took the weekend forever to get here this week.
Long, sunny days, crazy stormy afternoons and evenings.

And it seems every storm shows us new leaks in this not-so-old house every time we turn around.  Our front door is letting in water and yesterday we found a new waterfall leak where the sunroom addition meets the house. Ugh.

And then there was an incredible rainbow last night just before the sun set:

 It was so big and brilliant I couldn't fit it all in my camera lens...

I don't remember seeing a brighter rainbow ever.  With the light of the sunset and the receding storm clouds, it was pretty amazing. Straight across our entire backyard. 
The kids spent a good fifteen minutes looking out their bedroom windows upstairs where they could get a better view.  And where they were convinced they could see the end of the rainbow.
And where they convinced us they saw a shimmering pot of gold at said end. ;)
Only fitting since tomorrow is the rainbow/pot of gold holiday itself!

SJ even snapped a picture and was thrilled to show us  --------->
(not sure what exactly this is a picture of, zoomed in as far as her little camera will go, but she's pretty happy with her photo evidence!) :)










We're meeting a little boy today who will be staying with us for a couple of days.  It's just a weekend of respite care for the resource family who is currently caring for him, so it'll all (hopefully) be pretty low key.  So I'm spending the day dusting off of the carseat and digging out the sippy cups and looking forward to having a little one toddling around here temporarily. :)

Happy Weekend!

spring forward

It's been a quiet week.
I feel like the time change this time around affected us all more.  The kids have had a really hard time getting to sleep at night and then we all have a real hard time dragging ourselves out of bed in the morning.  I don't know if that's contributed, but it's just been kind of a mellow week around here.
Ryan was in Boston for work last weekend until late last Monday night.
Monday was gloomy and rainy, but Tuesday was eighty degrees and as beautiful as a late spring day (summer, really, but without the humidity!) out there, same with Wednesday.  Until we got a quick hailstorm just in time to cancel softball practice!
I've been cleaning up the yard and taking the dog for nice long walks.

The sunshine has me dreaming of possibilities for our backyard.  The sunroom on the back of our house was built on most of what was originally the patio, so we have next to no actual patio space.  We have a good sized backyard and I have visions of a grand entertaining space out there.  Problem is, we also have a fence we want to replace, a swingset we promised the kids -for real!- this year, a driveway to repair ($$$) and a leaky and rotting front door and surround to replace.  So a new patio/redo is unfortunately waaaay down on the the priority list. :(  Unless we win the lottery.

Also been birthday party planning here and there.  Savannah's having a "cake" party with a "let them eat cake/have your cake and eat it too" theme... lots of cute cake & cupcake ideas flowing around here. :)

It's been quiet on the foster care front too.  (And yes, I'm positive now that I've put those words out in public, we'll get called.  Today.)  After those first two immediate calls, and then an initial meet and greet of sorts with our Resource Parent Support Worker --'Resource Parent' is our state's new terminology for Foster Parent, btw-- in which she said "I'd be surprised if you didn't have a placement by the end of the week"... all has been quiet.  So we're still waiting and wondering what's around the bend.

We finally got our tickets for our trip back to Oregon this year.  My little sister is getting married in early June so as soon as the kids are out of school in May (44 days!  not that anyone's counting!!), we're outta here.  We'll be there over our anniversary so Ryan and I are planning a little 10 yr anniversary trip up to revisit our honeymoon spot in the San Juan Islands.  To say I'm looking forward to that is probably the biggest understatement of the year.  I realized the other day that Ryan and I haven't had a weekend away since before we moved here to Nashville... two years ago... and that is crazy to me.  Unacceptable, really.  So not us.  We were always ones to make that still a priority with kids.  Heck, we first left Savannah overnight when she was just six weeks old!!  Sure, it got a little -okay, a lot- harder when we moved away from family, but we still managed it least a couple of times a year.  Now?  Well that's just depressing.  :/
So we'll have a few days in San Juan thrown in with more than two weeks of visiting in Oregon.  Yay!

What are you looking forward to this spring?!

friday, random-day

• Feeling so blah today.  Really blech.  A weird tummy thing. And I didn't mind so much yesterday when didn't have anything to do and just curled up on the couch with a book (seriously, all day)(book two of the hunger games series DONE)(in one day), but today?  Notsomuch.  The kids are off of school today and I'm just no fun guzzling pepto.  Not sure if we're going to make that afternoon movie I promised them. :(
• Speaking of books, I found a (couple of different ones) website where you can read books for free!  Like, popular, bestseller books.  For free!  Now I'm still on the record of saying that I've shunned the idea of a kindle or a nook... I am a book-in-hand person all the way; I just love books too much to give them up and simply scroll through type on a screen all the time.  However.  in a case like this -where I was dying to see what happened next in the trilogy and couldn't get my hands on a book fast enough- the discovery of this website is fabulous!!  I spent a sick day all curled up in the world of Panem and The Games without having to plan ahead or leave my house.  And not spend a penny on it!
• Attempted some "spring cleaning" around here.  Not so much since I've been sick the last couple of days, but I was inspired to follow along with Simple Mom's Project: Simplify... tackling an area a week for this month to weed out, simplify and organize.  This week's focus was kid stuff.  We're pretty good about weeding out toys regularly around here (I can't stand too many toys) but it was time to go through the kids' clothes and tackle their bookshelves.  I'm a sucker for books (see last bullet), and I'm a firm believer that a kid cannot have too many books.  But we did.  Not good ones, just meaningless or mangled paperbacks here and there that no one reads anymore.  Came out with a boxful we decided we could part with.  And I went through the kids' closets.  And realized SJ is in big time need of clothes besides school polos and khakis.  Good thing she has a birthday coming up!  I meant to get to the attic space and reorganize outgrown clothes in storage; it's a mess in there and I want it to be accessible if/when we need to pull stuff out for foster kids.  That was my plan for the latter half of the week.  Which turned out to be the half where I instead babied my upset tummy and have camped out on the couch for two days...
• Another random: we have such a good puppy.  She is really soooo good.  I keep saying we're never going to ever be able to get another dog (puppy, especially) because she has spoiled us so much.  Seriously.  Once she knows the rules or routines, she is pretty much a perfect angel.  Maybe I'm biased, but she is really so mellow and well-behaved for a five month old puppy! She doesn't whine or bark, she knows she's not allowed upstairs, she sits and waits patiently when asked, she walks beside you on a leash, she doesn't steal food (after a corn dog debacle -stick and all- I think she learned her lesson) or mess with the kids toys (except she really likes to eat chalk.  and lick the chalkboard.) and she is about the sweetest thing ever.  And she's also a wannabe lapdog.  At 70lbs.
• Ryan's going out of town later this weekend.  Anyone who knows this blog knows what that means.  Pray for no sickness and no car problems. ;)  With three running cars here right now, I should be safe in that arena?!

you can't know

{I've decided to journal as much of everything of the foster care process as I can... and of course the mess of feelings that go along with it.   I know in all of my research/preparing and on through the journey I can't get enough of other people's experiences so I want to put as much as I can out there as well.  I contemplated a separate place for that, but this is all a part of our everyday life here, so here it is, thrown in with the rest of my rambling...}

That's the one thing that was playing in my head all through our state training, all through the phenomenal conference we went to last fall, all through these months of preparations, and most definitely all through the evening yesterday:  You just can't know.
When it comes to this crazy world of Foster Care and Adoption and how we will navigate this as a family and how our home functions as we open it up to the unknowns and what God will bring to our plate... we can't know.  Any of it.  How bad could it be?  How good could it be?  Which child is right for us?  Which child(ren) are we the right place for?  Where do those two align?  It's impossible to think about.  So many things we just can't know 'til we get there.

Add one more to the list...
I've also realized I couldn't know how that first placement call would go and how I would feel about it.

We were notified of our approval late on Friday.  Our home was officially open for Foster Care placements.
Monday I got a call.
Fast, much??

We have specified that we would take any race, any status (re: parental rights and permanency plans) and either gender preferably under the age of 6 (trying to maintain the birthorder already in our home) with very few red flag situations that we would turn down right off the bat (for the safety of our family).  We are also in consideration of  sibling groups of two or three and an exception to our age parameters might be made there...  Meaning, we would consider, say, a ten year old connected to a preschooler and/or infant, etc.

So the call Monday was for three girls coming into care.  Three of five girls actually, ages 3 to 11.  The three-year-old had some major physical needs and they had already found a place for her and a six-year-old sister together.   Because they weren't even attempting to find someone willing to take five girls together, the youngest of which has special needs.  So that left a seven-year-old, an eight-year-old and an eleven-year-old and they were hoping we might take them.
 
Our first thought was "three kids... to start with??".  We don't know what we're doing here and they're throwing three kids at us?!!  And three that are as old and older than our kids at that.
But still, we talked it over a bit, discussed and I prayed about it (for the all of 15 minutes in between caseworkers' phonecalls!).
 
I ended up telling the caseworker no; that starting out with three made us a little leery and the fact that they were all older than our parameters had me hesitating and we would have to pass on this situation for now.

But when I hung up I felt torn.  Honestly I felt horrible.
Did I really just do that?  How can we possibly turn kids away??  Just because that situation would fill up our house and our car and our table immediately, no easing into things?  Or just because they're older and maybe not as cute and unscarred as a baby might be?  Just because it isn't what we "wanted" and it might be a crazy hard way to start out this foster care adventure or it might not be "convenient" for us this week?  Just because I have a hard time picturing us being open to the possibility of adopting three pre-tweens at this point in our life, and simply don't want to be the first of many homes to shuffle them around since who knows what will come of it? 

No matter how I tried to word it; the situation wasn't for us... we didn't feel comfortable with it... the situation didn't fit our parameters... it just wasn't right for us... what stuck out to me, and what I was most convicted with, is that it all comes back to US, WE, OUR, US.  Did you see those words in those sentences??
And how selfish is that?
There are five girls taken away from their mother's care, in a situation completely out of everyone's control, having to be separated from each other on top of that and feeling completely scared and lost.
And I basically said we just don't want to help.

*****

I prayed for them all last night.  All night.
We chose not to take them in and I believe, in the end, that was what we were supposed to do.
I'm choosing to believe that God had a different family prepared for them last night and that these girls will be as safe and stable as they can possibly be in this situation.  I have to believe that.  And pray for that.

But in saying no to that placement, the Lord broke a little bit of my heart last night for these girls that I don't know, and prompted me to change the way I look at this process.
He's reminded me that -hello!- this is not about us.  This isn't about who we "want".  This isn't about how these kids will fit into our family.  I'll let God take care of that; and trusting that He'll change our hearts or change our routines or change our whole little world to accommodate things that might look different than the picture in our heads if need be.
What this is about is the kids.  It's about how we can be there for the kids.  Kids who need a family to be there to support and love them in that moment.  In whatever way we can.  And that as long as we CAN, we are called to do so.  Even if I can't quite see what that looks like on this side of things.

That is not to say we'll take in anyone they put in front of us... obviously we have parameters that need to still be in place.
But I do know that I'll be looking at it from more of a truly "are we able to be there for this child?" mindset the next time I get a call rather than a "does this work for us right now/does this fit our guidelines?" view. 
Because yes, it has to be good for our existing family... it needs to be right and it needs to be doable and I'm not going to completely disrupt and derail our lives intentionally for something that's not going to be good for anybody.
But.  With that said, I do have to remember that it's okay to be uncomfortable... it's okay for us to be inconvenienced and challenged and stretched.
It's worth it for those kids.
A little bit of stability for them should be worth a rough or crazy week for us.
A little peace of mind for them should be worth the inconvenience for us.
Offering hope and what respite we can in their bleak situation -and a hug if they'll take it-, should be more than worth a little extra stress in our lives.
We can handle it.
Scratch that- God can handle it.

hello monday... again

Hello sunshine.  Hello spring cleaning.  Hello washer running all day.  Hello squaring away files to be ready to document new kids in our home.  Hello to a dear friend and a mini catch-up session.  Hello no carbs (again).  Hello lots of water.  Hello to hoping for a good night of sleep tonight... it's been to many bad ones with too many early mornings. 

12/12: #2

[#2 of the twelve dates I pre-planned to treat ourselves to this year.  It was Ryan's gift for Christmas.]

[Date #1 was here.]

The Date that we had slated for the month of February was a weekends-only type of thing and it turned out, as our month went on, that we were slammed with busyness on pretty much every weekend.
So, last minute, we decided to do a switcheroo and Ryan pulled out the March envelope and we shoved what was to be our February date forward into a March weekend.  We thought March's (now February's) date was much more accommodating to our willy-nilly schedule as of late;
Bowling.

Still, even as easy as you'd think that would be to go bowling at anytime, we found ourselves running out of February days.  And even with it being a leap year! ;)
Turns out we took advantage of that extra day: on Wednesday, the very last day this would technically be a February date, Ryan played hooky, skipped out of work early and we went out to lunch and bowling. :)  In the middle of the day.  While the kids were in school.  And the puppy was sleeping off surgery at the vet.  Playing hooky together.  Loved it. ♥

I had pre-purchased a groupon for a big bowling/arcade/pizza place across town, but since we were *somewhat* limited on time and the weather was sketchy (tornado warnings) we decided to forego the groupon for this time and hit up one of Ryan's favorite mexican restaurants down the street and a bowling alley close to home instead.  We pretty much had the place to ourselves.  And one game Ryan only beat me by ten points!!
We came home to meet the kids off the bus and then continued our "quality time" by spending most of the afternoon -and then stayed up way too late at night- doing a new puzzle together.

 Thanks for the pinch-hitter of a date day Ryan.  It made my week!




p.s. see what other "year of dates" friends are up to
or just check out other date ideas from around blogland -------------->

twloha

Tomorrow, or today- depending on when you read this?.. anyway, Thursday is an *unofficial* TWLOHA Day. (as it is also "officially" Self-Injury Awareness Day)
To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit organization all about raising awareness and presenting hope and help for anyone struggling with depression, addictions, self-injury/eating disorders and suicide.   TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire and also to invest in treatment and recovery.
If you're not familiar with TWLOHA, you can read more of my thoughts in a previous post I wrote on the idea, my story and my passion for it.  Or you can go to their website for their whole story. :)

A TWLOHA "Day" (which could be every day) is a day set aside to specifically write it on your arms...
write it on, speak it out, share your story if you have one.


Rumor has it, there's also a "wear TWLOHA" day coming up at the end of the month... which, again, is obviously any day you want it to be, but a good "join the movement" kind of day if you need an excuse to purchase, i.e. to donate, to a great cause. :)

If you decide to write words of LOVE on your arm tomorrow, -or wear a t-shirt any day- please know this; The goal is not to simply be "in on something" or to be cute or anything to do with fashion. Their title, "to write love on her arms", was created as a goal and in physically doing so, we're opening up conversations.  Every single time I wear my shirt, I have someone ask what it means.  Every time.  And so every time, I can share a quick synopsis of what TWLOHA is about and a glimpse of what they are striving to bring to this broken world.  They're inviting people to fight for their lives and for the lives of their friends. We're inviting people to believe better things.

I personally think if you want to help spread the word about hope and help, that would be a great thing. If you want to wear a shirt or call a friend or reach out to someone you never knew might be struggling.  If you want to tell people that they need other people, that every story, that every person, matters - this is the goal. These things need to be said because they are true.  And people everywhere need these reminders.  Because it is a fact that too many people live alone under other lies.

I 'm here to continue to figure out what this word "love" means. To aim for how it should look... maybe something like humility and kindness.  Maybe with encouragement and acceptance.  Most likely brimming with honesty and compassion.

"You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; 

you have loosed my sorrow and clothed me with gladness, 

that my heart may sing your praise and not be silent. 

O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever!"

Psalm 30:11-12

and it's monday

This was one of those weekends where I was ready for a Monday.  Non-stop for three days and feeling like I wasn't home for more than a few minutes at a time = bring on the quiet of my empty house on a Monday morning!

Friday I spent the day with some errands and had lunch with the kids, got home at about 1:30 and got some snacks, balls, gloves, blankets and layers together because the second the kids stepped off the bus at 3, we were on our way down to Vandy to watch a baseball game vs. Oregon with friends.  And it was fa-reezing that afternoon/evening.  The day before?  75°.  Unfortunately, that day, while we were at the game, it was about 43° and reeeeaaally windy (so it was way colder than 40).  Brr.  So that was our Friday.

Saturday we started the day with Sawyer's last basketball game and awards celebration bright and early... (sorry for the not great phone pics!)

and then made our way home for lunch, after which I spent the afternoon downtown at the expo centers' flea market with a friend, and Ryan and the kids went to another friends' house to help with some new furniture and to shoot some more hoops. (It was back to warmer, spring weather Saturday!)  Then we were due back for Savannah's last basketball/cheer game and their awards/end of the season celebration with pizza as well...

 not putting us home until almost 8 o'clock.
Long, busy day!

Sunday we went to church and straight from there, getting lunch on the way, to another Vanderbilt/Oregon baseball game (this time in beautiful 60 degree sunshine!)(and Ryan and I actually got a little sunburned!!)

We didn't get home until dinnertime where we threw in Totino's pizzas for the kids and I then headed back to our church for a ladies' dinner date that turned into an Oscars viewing party. 

Add in between all that feeding and walking a puppy (who's still on a special, prepare-actual-real-food diet, recooping from her tummy debacle), putting in some hard eight-year-old piano practice time, and a six-year-old who was set on devoting at least a little weekend time to completing his SuperMario Galaxy game (which usually involves help from his dad)(and he is so close!) and I'm ready for Monday.  AKA, a day off in my world.

So it's Monday morning, the sun is shining, the house is quiet, and I'm just relaxing for a little while.
And only feeling a little bit guilty that I'm the only one who gets to take the morning "off"... that we all had the busy weekend and that now the kids are busy at school and Ryan's busy at work, and I'm just sitting here on the couch relishing in the quiet, with nothing I "have" to do.
In my defense, they did get the evening last night to settle at home a bit while I was out. ;)
And I suppose I could be productive here while relaxing... I'll eventually get around to planning meals and making grocery lists and checking calendars.   And eventually make my way off the couch and tackle the mess our whirlwind of a weekend left our house.
And take a nice long walk in the sunshine with Clementine.  It's supposed to be nice and near seventy all week this week (I guess we really aren't getting any winter this year!) and I'm looking forward to the sunshine!!