Friday, April 20, 2012

fried, er, friday

I'm feeling a little out of sorts today.  I feel like it's been a long week.
We had Miya's perm plan meeting yesterday and I'm... confused.  Anxious.  Didn't sleep well with so many thoughts running through my head.  It was kind of a relief having to get up with Miya at 2am, just to not have to think about things try to sleep for awhile.  So I'm tired too.

I just want to say I hate the Not Knowing.
I mean, I know that 99% of foster care is not knowing, but I'm hating the have no idea what will happen until this date Then we'll know something.  But then really still it's all up in the air again until this later dateWe'll have a plan then.  Wait, no, now this date.  And so on and so forth.
I feel like I'd be okay with the long term, the who knows if she'll end up back with Dad or with us, take it month by month with progress being made or not made either way.  If we could just get to that.  It's the oh, come back and find out next week if you'll be the one to keep her through all this or if this random family member will take over... oh wait, here's another family "member" (seriously, how many "cousins" can there be??) we have to wait and see if they can take her and repeat a half dozen times.  That's the stuff that's playing with my head.  It's like, just get on with it already!

I have a lot of thoughts I can't share here.
And a lot of prayers.  Some very self righteous and angry.  Some very humble and surrendering.
Like I said, confused.

It doesn't help that it's a gray, cloudy morning and I'm wishing the sun would come out, but we're waiting for thunderstorms this afternoon.
And we have a busy weekend on tap... baseball tonight (pending rain), softball and baseball tomorrow morning (again, depending on rain), house guests overnight Saturday and then a birthday party to go to on Sunday.  Plus a hundred other things we'd like to get done in between of course.
And I just feel exhausted.  Emotionally and physically.

I'm going to quit rambling about nothing now and get in the shower.
I'm off to a lunch with my husband and this cute little bundle of baby I have here for now and to get on with our weekend.  Hoping a lunch date will cheer me up. ;)
Happy Friday.


Grandma Debbie said...

Continually praying that God will work all this out and will give you comfort and His peace as He works for you and this baby's best & to give Him the glory in it all! You are giving this baby a great home and life for now and you can be assured that God is honored by just that. He promises to give us what we need and He is so faithful in that. He will give both you and the baby what you each need and will work it all out for good, according to His purpose. (Rom 8:28) Hope you get some rest today and will find rest & peace in Him, as you give it to Him and go through this "season" -- have a great, but busy weekend! Love you!

Mom said...

I hope your weekend was just what you needed to get ready for the week ahead.You guys were on my mind and in my prayers!XOXOXOXO

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