Tuesday, May 24, 2011

not writing

When I started this blogging stuff, when I had a toddler and a baby and then a toddler and a preschooler and moved across the country twice in one year in the middle of that...
back then I found time (and reason) to write pretty much every single day.

It baffles me that now, when I'm about to have two elementary kids (eek!), kids who are obviously not as demanding or high maintenance as they once were....
now I can't seem to make the time to write.
Sure I found excuses for my bad-to-worse writing habits in the past year; I single-parented it for six months, had an additional infant full time during the week for a year, threw another interstate move in there, and have struggled with some depression and other obstacles of getting settled here, but really? How does it work that I'm actually busier these days? I honestly find it hard to believe that this past year has been any busier than the first five years of my blogging history. But yet it feels like it has been.
Busier and quieter.

Part of it may be that as much as I want to record and journal our every day goings-ons, I'm afraid the life of the four of us isn't quite so entertaining or downright laughable as were the recollections of life with younger, funnier kids, making it not such a "must" to always jot it down.
But I do miss it.

I miss chronicling these changes we're [I'm] going through. The kids getting older, getting to know people and places here, this house slowly but surely becoming our home, our struggle with direction in where to go on the foster care/adoption topic, and my personal metamorphosis as I leave behind (for now) the "stay-at-home-mom" job who's primary function is to take care of little ones all day and become more of a "home-maker" and caretaker of our family and home and all that involves.
All of that.
So much of it in my head and I'm not quite understanding why I can't seem to find the time or the motivation to make myself sit down and just. start. writing.

Instead, I write about "what I'm not writing about".
Much easier that way.


KimBerly said...

I have a hard time with that too. I mean I write about stuff but I hold back. I find it hard to just write what's really on my mind.

Anonymous said...

I miss you MORE when you don't write.XoX Mom

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