Monday, October 19, 2009

just another day

I'm so discouraged today.
Got some news that was so not up there on my Things I'd Like to Hear Today to Make My Day Better list.
Other news we're waiting to hear that may or may not be on that list as well. That's a fun one to wait for.
All in all, not having the best week.

My little sister has been here visiting this past week and while I think she had a decent enough time -hopefully at least a mostly relaxing vacation-, I know I haven't been the best of company. I don't feel like our house is the most relaxing place to be as of late.
But maybe it's just me.

I'm uncharacteristically seriously stressed out.
And in a funk.
And maybe a wee depressed.

And feeling

For the most part, I think I've gotten comfortable in the swing of things around here day to day; juggling an infant all day and our schedules and our busy evenings and all of that.
Shall I break it down for you? I know you care :)
We're currently devoting about 5 hours a week to our foster care/adoption training right now... but that's just one night weekly of class time. Then there's reading and homework during each week and a few home visits with our assessor over the course of this nine weeks to complete our homestudy. I also have homework for my weekly women's bible study that's supposed to be done daily (edited to add; I just decided I'm dropping out of that) and now we just started a new book study for our church based small group -of which Ryan and I are the leaders- which has a good bit of "homework" and prep work between our Thursday evening meetings too. And I'm still coordinating crafts and activities for MOPS twice a month. Savannah has homework each evening, cheer once a week, piano once a week, and Ryan has soccer. Weekday mornings I shuttle Sawyer to preschool twice a week and speech therapy two mornings as well. That's all in between and around MOPS and Bible study.

We had a garage sale the weekend before last.
And three different houseguests in the past nine days.

I've been better about grocery shopping (and even couponing and cutting our bill!) and planning and making meals lately. I've been better about keeping the house somewhat neat and tidy (because I have the mom I babysit for here twice a day during the week so my home needs to at least somewhat presentable!!), and I'm actually caught up on laundry.

All of that to say that I feel like, even with the insane amount of busy we've got going on, I've figured out a decent balance to our day-to-day.


It's the overwhelming stuff I'm so behind on (still! from the crazy summer!! followed by the busy fall...) and burdened with that is killing me. All the stuff that is just constantly in the back of my mind, sitting on my shoulders, pressing me down:
Like the last three months YEAR of pictures I've mostly never edited, organized or even transferred.
Or my dining room that is just trashed with piles of craft stuff that just gets shoved out of the way when I finish a project.
Or the dozen projects started and never finished.
The boxes downstairs of junk moved out of said dining room at the last minute when having company over for dinner.
Papers to go through, mail to sift through.
The piles of outgrown kids clothes in my bedroom to go thru and pack away.
The boxes of baby clothes downstairs that I meant to go thru for my sister two months ago.
A pile of books to collect addresses for and ship off.
Gross, please nobody look too closely bathrooms that need desperately to be deep cleaned.
A tiled kitchen floor that needs it's grout cleaned soooo badly.
A bathroom cabinet I want to redo.
A fireplace surround I want to stain.
Those last two just aren't going to happen.

Oh, and don't forget the holidays are coming. And I already have every weekend on my calendar full until after Christmas. Sheesh.
Oh, and blogging. :)

Like I said, I feel like I'm just now able to juggle and keep my head above water in the every day around here. I don't have a clue how I'm supposed to have the time or energy to get the stuff I'm so behind on done. Or the extra stuff coming up. If all the stuff I'm behind on could be -POOF!- magically caught up... I think I'd be good. I can handle the pace of life right now without it.
But I'm not without it.

I feel like it's hovering there. Waiting for me. And I try to ignore it because I just don't have time. Almost as if I'm pretending if I don't look over that way, if I just don't acknowledge that wave bearing down on me, I won't drown.

But I think all this ignoring is culminating into a breakdown. Building up to a flood. An avalanche. Whatever you want to call it.
A little mini-breakdown already tried to make an appearance the other day.
Some guy I live with here talked me off the edge though.
And now he's out of town for the week :(

So there you go- yet another post about the crazy of my life right now, about the busyness I'm swimming in and about the blogging I want to be doing, but don't.
Except for the blogging about how crazy busy I am. Apparently I can manage that at regular intervals.

I'll get back to normal one of these days.

I'm not looking for pity or for solutions (unless you want to hire me a maid!)...
I was just needing to vent. Thanks for humoring me.


Nicole said...

I hear ya. I'm sooo over being over-scheduled. I need a month long vacay to the Bahamas... except I know I'd only come home to a months worth of stuff to take care of!

I had a meltdown last week... just so overwhelmed. You're not alone.

Sorry to hear you've gotten bad news. If you need to talk, you've got my email or number!

Annie Schilperoort Photography said...

Hi Heather, I feel your pain! This Fall with Cade in Soccer and Kindergarten has brought a crazy amount of paper work! I can't even believe how many piles I have been needing to sort through all the sudden. There are a lot of overwhelming circumstances that make the simple everday things (like filing) seem completely overwhelming. Hope tomorrow is better. We're all getting over the flu over here. Ugh!

Jessica said...

I know that over-your-head feeling all too well. And, I know what it feels like to just need to get it out, complain, scream into your pillow (lol), if keeping it all in is going to make you explode. Let it out, pray hard, and hang on will get better eventually!

About Me

everyday life © 2008. Template by Dicas Blogger.