Friday, June 27, 2008


A lighter subject of Friday Questions below.

I've been finding myself thinking a lot lately of old friends. Long distance friends that I'm still in touch with and past friends that I've lost contact with and wonder how they are.

This week I've had dreams every night; very vivid dreams about these friends. I woke this morning feeling just as if I'd spent the day with a long lost friend after I dreamed of doing just that last night. I drempt we just hung out, chatting forever, I remember asking about specific family members of hers, I remember her telling me what everyone we used to work with was up to. I remember talking around interruptions of both of our kids, and her commenting often on how she couldn't believe how big my kids were... when we were close years back, I didn't have kids of my own yet.
I woke feeling caught up with her, even though I know none of what I drempt could be true. And it made me sad that I don't know where she is or how she's doing. I miss her laugh. I miss her kids. I miss knowing her.

I've had a lot of things come up in life and in conversations lately, that are bringing many of these friends and reminders of them to the forefront of my mind. Which I guess would explain the dreams. It's just been ironic how many things have been brought up in the past week or two.

I wish I could somehow still be friends with everyone who's ever been important in my life. I wish I could somehow let these people know how important they were in my life. I wish I were a better friend.

I'm reminded of a post I read of Black Sheeped's blog awhile back. It stuck in my mind because I felt like she was in my head when she wrote it. I hope you don't mind KaraMarie, if you come across this, but I wanted to copy it here because it so resonated with what I've been feeling this week....
Here's what she wrote:
I wonder how people are that I haven't talked to lately. I worry that they hate me because I haven't talked to them lately; worse, I assume that they have forgotten all about me and that it doesn't even matter. I hope they don't think I have forgotten them, because I haven't, and I love them all just as fiercely as ever. I think about them all the time.

I wish I could list you all by name, right now, all of you who read this blog (and all of you who don't). All of you I need to call or email. I wish I could say to you yes, I am thinking about you and I miss you and I hope you are happy, and I'd like to know about what you did last night and how you are feeling about the last movie you saw. But I shouldn't, because it is a blog, but if you are reading it you should know that that is how it is. I love you and miss you and don't know what the hell my problem is.

I don't know why I collect people and then worry about them and wonder about them. I worry about a friend from first grade, who I have not seen since first grade. I feel that I collect them inside of me, and then they slip away, but the pieces of who they were and who they might become are still shoved in my pockets, and I pull them out and wonder about them and love them all the same.

I guess, what it comes down to, is that I feel sort of crazy, lately. Possibly it is just the holidays and possibly it is just my brain and possibly it is something else entirely that I don't understand. I have things that I cling to, and they are my husband, my husband I love, my best friend husband. I cling to my pets, I cling to old faces and the people I keep in my pockets and hope that they all know how it is.

I hope if you are an old friend and you happen to be reading this, that you know. I hope that you know that whether we are close now or not, I love you. I miss you. I think of you often.
Even if I don't do anything about it.
I wonder how you are and how your life is. I wonder if you ever think of me.
You're part of my "collection" and I pull you out of my pocket and wonder about you and love you just the same.


Dana said...

Wow. I am the same way. It sucks how our lives change and you need to choose between friends and family. I had my daughter at a young age and my friends all continued to party and get into trouble. But I needed to put my family first and that's where our paths changed.

I had a best friend for about 17 years who I haven't talked to in probably 3 years. I still consider her my best friend even though I have no clue what she is doing now. I was just saying last week how I want to find her, and am thinking about calling her dad to see how I can get in contact with her.

I totally understand how you are feeling, and I am exactly like you. I wonder about old friends of mine all of the time. Luckily I have found a few on Myspace, but not nearly all of the ones I would like to be in contact with!

The Malones said...

Great post! I wonder the same things! Most of the time I am caught feeling guilty about how poor of a friend I really am. Sometimes, I am "out of sight, out of mind" when it comes to friends. Other times, I try to be more intentional about connecting and reconnecting with people. Thanks for (re)reminding me!

Nicole said...

I wonder about old friends too. Its funny how life just gets in the way and before you know it, weeks and months and years pass.

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