Saturday, May 17, 2008

tired

I still have not been able to really shake this sick stuff. It's starting to really drive me nuts because each day it's completely different. The first day I just felt sick, like fever stuff, with the chills and aches and stuff. The following day I had a sore throat. Painful. But over all I felt better. Then the next day it was a cough, and back to feeling yucky. The next morning, my throat didn't really hurt, but I was coughing and would lose my voice completely for hours at a time. Then the next day I had no cough, but my throat was horribly sore again; the kind where you put off swallowing for as long as you possibly can and just let the saliva build up in your mouth until you can't take it any more...
Now the last couple of days I feel mostly fine, but I have this annoying cough any time I breath deeply at all. Whether I'm talking or just resting, I have to make myself take shallow breaths or I end up hacking this dry cough and just can't stop. And now tonight my throat's hurting again.
It's so bizarre. I wonder what'll be on the docket tomorrow...

Anyway, put together my not feeling up to par and the crazy busy day we had today;
We had a couple of errands to run this morning, then I took Savannah to an ice skating lesson with her friend (they had a bring a friend day) before lunch, after lunch I had to take her to a dance rehearsal for their upcoming concert, and then immediately after the rehearsal we drove into the city for a birthday party... and it adds up to one tired momma here.

We had a lot of fun at the birthday party though. Pleasantly more fun than I was expecting, considering I knew no one there besides the 2 year old birthday boy and his fam. I knew the kids would have fun and it's always nice to see Katie, Russ and Eliot, so I had decided regardless of knowing no one else on the guest list of 30+ people, we would head out to say Happy Birthday. I'm glad we went. It was an outdoor barbecue and not only did the kids have a blast (Savannah made a new bosom-buddy-of-the-moment with another five-year-old girl there and Sawyer just absolutely ran himself ragged with all the kids and the huge yard!) but we grown-ups actually ended up having some nice chats with lots of people. Ryan even knew a few people there from their Greenville days, so it was nice to see/meet them and catch up. It was good to round out our busy day with such a nice afternoon.

Something did hit me hard today though... something that I think makes me feel my tiredness even more. Makes me emotionally tired.
It's how much I really miss my friends. My oldest and truest friends.

Having made two interstate moves in the past two years, I've gotten used to being in situations like today; Being the "new ones" in the group, meeting people, learning names and connections, telling our story over and over to every new person we talk to. I'm used to it. I have to put myself out there and I'm getting better at it I think. *Sometimes* I even enjoy it.
But this afternoon, in between chatting here and there, I found myself stepping back and observing more and more often. It was very obvious this group of family and friends were all very close, that different groups had bonds and history and jokes that went back years and years... That while they were all nothing but friendly and sincere and welcoming and easy to talk with me being the "new girl", I still couldn't help but feel it. These were close friends. These were loving friends who had been through thick and thin with each other and who would be around for years to come. Some from college, some through church, some from birth.

And it wasn't that I felt left out, or that I didn't belong there, or that they treated me differently. It was simply something I noticed because it made me realize how much I miss that. How much I miss being surrounded by people who know me. Who really know me. Who know what I'm like and what I think. Friends who know my past, where I'm from, where I've been. People who have laughed with me, cried with me, prayed for me. People who knew me before I was married, or before I was a mom, or before five months ago. Heck, how about before five minutes ago?
I miss the ease of that, the comfort of that. I miss them.

I'm glad that we're feeling settled here. I'm thankful that we've finally found a church to call home, that we are in a great community, that the weather is so beautiful right now and we have excuses to be out doing things, meeting up with people. I need to keep up the motivation of forging new friendships and taking care to grow the ones we've established here so far. That eventually I can have those kinds of friends here... laughing over inside jokes, finishing each others sentences or just reading a look. I know they won't ever replace the friendships back home, but I can't wait to have some time slip by where having had time to build on them, my friendships here too get into that place of being more comfortable... of being easy. Of being known.

5 comments:

kimca01 said...

I totally know what you mean about having those kind of friends around you - the ones you don't have to explain things to, where it's just easy. I'm lucky to have my girls around me and I totally feel for you - that would be so hard without them. Making new friends and going through the whole process is exhausting! I enjoy meeting new people but at the end of the day, it's the comfy old slipper friends you want!

Kelli McGill said...

We were supposed to be at Eliot's party as well (but Elle came down with a fever). We could have been the "new girls" together. Joe & I weren't going to know anyone there besides the Mohrs either.

Hang in there, this kinda stuff takes time.

Heather S. said...

I know how you feel - I've totally been there and it wasn't that long ago! I remember longing for those friends that know everything about me. It will get better! We are so glad you are here!!

K.M.L said...

I hope you start feeling better soon! Maybe your friends can come for a visit soon! We miss ya!

Anonymous said...

http://jumpwithfaith.blogspot.com/

This woman is in the same city as you and it sounds like she needs a friend also.

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