rest

The word rest has been whispering in my heart lately.

I want rest.
I feel like my faith is being so tried right now.  It's so very easy to let myself doubt what we're doing here, to let myself worry how things will turn out.  To let fear creep in. To wallow in feeling like things are so out of my control.
But I don't want worry, I don't want fear.  I want rest.

There's a song (below) that's been somewhat my mantra as of late, and with it I am reminded that the real rest I'm longing for is a constant choice; that the rest I need is truly a verb and not a thing to 'have'.

rest  (rst) noun

1. Cessation of work, exertion, or activity.

2. Peace, ease, or refreshment resulting from sleep or the cessation of an activity.

3. Sleep or quiet relaxation.

4. Relief or freedom from disquiet or disturbance.

5. Termination or absence of motion.

rest, rest·ed, rest·ing, rests verb

1. To be at peace or ease; be tranquil.

2. To depend or rely: That argument rests on a false assumption.

3. To be located or be in a specified place for a time: The original manuscript rests in the museum.

4. To be fixed or directed on something: His eyes rested on her face for a moment.

5. To place, lay, or lean for ease, support, or repose.

I want rest... but it's not rest that means everything is easy and relaxed. (although that can be so appealing!)
I want the rest that doesn't mean I've fallen asleep, but rather that I am at peace... while depending, relying, being located in, fixed on, directed to, and able to lean on one big thing for support and repose... it's the rest that only comes in the security of trusting God. Of being firmly in His will. The kind of rest that is established in Him; throughout the situation, no matter the chaos swirling around. The rest that doesn't just calm the situation, but rather calms us, and all the while matures us, refines us, even in the not-so-restful circumstances.
I don't just want to get through all this and get to the "rest" at the end. (although, again, I will appreciate a little of that too!!) 
I want rest IN it. Because ultimately I want to come out of this better…refined by Christ.
I want our family’s faith and trust to be increased and I want to see Jesus in all of it.
I'm learning that means I will be sent into those parts of life that He knows we can’t quite handle on our own. But with Him, resting in Him, we come to discover... we’ve got this.  He calls us to those places… and I want to better recognize what an opportunity that is. What an honor that is.

I can't navigate this on my own. I am just a timid, scared, faithless, trustless sinner.
But Jesus can make me -can make our family- this bold, excited, faithful, trust-filled, forgiven family that’s ready.  Ready for what’s ahead.  Because more than anything, we have to know we’re not ready on our own, but with Him. We are His… and He’s declared that He is ours.

Isaiah 43:1-3: “But now, this is what the Lord says—he who created you, he who formed you: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.  When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, your Savior…”

What an amazing promise and comfort that is.
I want to rest in that.

Jesus, I am resting, resting, in the joy of what Thou art
I am find out the greatness of Thy loving heart
Thou has bid me gaze upon Thee and Thy beauty fills my soul
For by Thy transforming power Thou has made me whole
 
O how great Thy loving kindness; vaster, broader than the sea!
O how marvelous Thy goodness lavished all on me! 
Yes, I rest in Thee Beloved and know what wealth of grace is Thine
I know Thy certainty of promise and have made it mine

Jesus, I am resting, resting, in the joy of what Thou art
I am finding out the greatness of Thy loving heart

Simply trusting Thee Lord Jesus, I behold Thee as Thou art
And Thy love so pure, so changeless, satisfies my heart
 Satisfies it's deepest longing, meets, supplies it's every need
And surrounds me with Thy blessing; Thine is love indeed.
 
Jesus, I am resting, resting, in the joy of what Thou art
I am finding out the greatness of Thy loving heart

Ever lift Thy face upon me, as I work and wait for Thee
Resting 'neath Thy smile, Lord Jesus, earth's dark shadows flee
Brightness of my Father's glory, sunshine of my Father's face
Keep me ever trusting, resting, fill me with Thy grace  
  
 Jesus, I am resting, resting, in the joy of what Thou art
I am finding out the greatness of Thy loving heart