Thursday, November 8, 2012

a different goodbye

We said goodbye to our Remster this morning.
Handing Remy over to his new guardians (an aunt and uncle who are taking temporary custody while mom [hopefully] finishes this journey of hers back to her baby) this week is a completely different experience than the last time we did this with baby Miya.

That time it was played -more than once- as a probable possible adoption scenario.
That time we instantly and completely -all of us- bonded with her, no doubt about it, to the point of having a hard time imagining life without her ever again, right from the get-go... and that was magnified a hundred times over after three months of being in our family.
That time it seemed decision after decision made in court was frustrating and questionable time and time again.
That time we were uneasy about the situation we were handing her off to, heartbroken to say goodbye and worried beyond words about her future. (and still are)

This time, even though adoption was there the whole time as a back burner idea (as always with abuse/endangerment allegations) we just didn't feel it was there for us.
This time we've spent almost five months loving on this little guy and have certainly bonded with him (especially me... it'll be odd not having him physically joined at the hip!)... but it feels okay imagining loving him from a distance now.
This time things have proceeded slowly (where it pertains to family members as options for him) and have been thoroughly looked into and it's been a pretty even keel when it's come to court proceedings and decisions.
This time handing him over to his great aunt and uncle... knowing they have another little one in their home and that they are close with and involved in mom's life and "recovery"... I'm happy for their family.

Very different emotions this time.  No tears.  No real worries.
Just feeling empty handed without a babe on my hip today.
Just starting at noises in my quiet house and then reminding myself there's no one upstairs on the other end of the baby monitor to be listening for.
Just catching a glance of the picture of that sweet smile on our chalkboard and saying a prayer for our little buddy and his momma.

And just wondering who and what is next for us.


Chrissy said...

I am so, so proud of you.

Mom said...

Oh so glad that Remster was a part of your life for those 5 months.I have a feeling you are all better because of it.Blessings on you my dear as you adjust to the changes and prepare for what's ahead!XOX

Mom/Grandma said...

You definitely made a huge, great difference in that little guy's life and he was a very happy baby the last week he was in your home! Your family made a great impression on his little life and he became a much better, happier little guy because of your sweet family -- I am sure God is pleased. He was a sweet, little guy during my visit :-) Enjoy a little break before your next child comes!

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