Thursday, July 17, 2008

tft: who's the boss?

I was reading blogs this morning, specifically a couple of Thoughts for Thursday posts, and feeling a little disappointed that I didn't have a good TFT topic for today. And that I don't have time to think up a good one as I need to be finishing laundry and packing a teeny little car for our family to cram into for an eight day road trip.

But then, in making my quick blog rounds, I got an idea.
And I hope I don't invite the wrath of a very pregnant woman here today, but this is something I've always found myself puzzled over and one of those things I find myself thinking, am I the only one who finds this odd? I know. There are a lot of those topics. And it usually is just me being odd.

But in the midst of many new babies and many very pregnant acquaintances recently, here are my ponderings this Thursday...
Is it not the mother's body that does the job of carrying and delivering a baby?
What makes us think that the baby has any say about how the uterus, placenta, cervix or any other baby growing/delivering body part functions??
Do we blame the baby if it's born too early? No, we "blame" the mother's body. *(I'm not personally "blaming"... I know there is no blame. It's nature. I'm simply saying if there is a miscarriage or a significantly pre-term birth, it's not unlikely for the mother to feel "guilt" that her body somehow failed. Which is also incorrect. And that regardless, in no way is it implied that the baby chose the outcome at all.)

But yet, when a baby is pretty much full term, once it's "safe", we always talk like they are in control of this whole thing. If they come early, they might be lovingly labeled as "impatient" or eager to get here and join the party. If they're late we joke about their "stubbornness" or their lazy attitude about life, their comfortability and resistance of change...
And I've seen that joking take a very serious note sometimes! To the point where I have to bite my tongue; do you seriously think your baby has any say on when he's born or not?? She's not doing this to torture you! He's not purposely staying put just to prove a point! He doesn't have a point! He's a baby. It's your body's job to kick him/her out of there... don't keep saying over and over how stubborn your baby must be because you're up to and past your due date now! It's just a clueless, innocent baby for crying out loud!!

Believe me, I know how miserable the end of the pregnancy can get. I know it helps to make light of that fact.
And I don't know why, but I also know it just makes me shake my head every time when I hear things like this... for some reason I just want to ask that person; you do know how this baby delivery thing works right? It's YOUR job, not the baby's! Cut him some slack and stop labeling him already!!

So. Is this weird? Is it totally comical that I would even put any thought into such a silly thing? Or has anyone else found themselves on the same thought path in the midst of a mom-to-be, wondering why is it easier to complain about your baby getting her butt in gear rather than your own very pregnant one??!
As if anyone has any control over any of it. Unless you're the dr. holding the IV bag of Pitocin, that is. :)

*and I swear, I'm not picking on anybody specific... this is honestly something I've found myself thinking for years, just thinking I'm the lone crazy one who feels sorry for all these unborn babies getting the blame for being overdue and I thought I'd throw it out there for a good laugh!*


kimca01 said...

You are in need of a vacation my friend HAHA But I do agree, you've got PLENTY of time to label them once they come out LOL

Michelle Leigh said...

Hey Heather. I think you may be over thinking this one. I don't really think that when women say things like this, that they are really labeling their baby. I think that outsiders are always demanding an answer of sorts and jokingly people say these things. All three of my kids came at different times. I never blamed them, or even myself ( had preterm labor). The woman's body does amazing things, but at the same time doesn't always do what it's supposed to. That being said, we have no control over these things so like you said, nobody is to blame. What's important is getting that baby here safe and sound. I agree with Kim, you need a vacay! Relax that body and mind. I wish I could do the same. Have a great trip!

Oh, I forgot to comment on your legs shaving post a while back and really wanted to. I'm with you. The hubs is lucky if I shave once a week in the winter! In the summer, I shave for my own purpose, if the legs are showing, they should be shaved so that I don't feel like the amazon woman!

Nicole said...

I guess I've never really thought about it.... that's some deep thinking there Heather LOL! I guess it doesn't even cross my mind when I hear pregnant people say the kid is stubborn etc... I assume its always in a joking way, and more or less as a response to people asking "have you had that baby YET?!" I probably made the joke a few times, but since both boys were induced and early I never really made too much joke about them "being stubborn" or what not. I have said, during pregnancy of course, that I was going to evict them on such and such date.

Anyhow... interesting topic. I've never thought about it in that sense as "labeling" the baby though. ALthough, my MIL did say that Hudson was a mama's boy in utero b/c 'he wasn't ready to be born' and sometimes I do think... so true (b/c he is kind of a mama's boy already), but really... he wasn't late so it wasn't like he (or my body) was keeping him around for longer than necessary.

Oh sheesh... what a novel of a comment HAHAH!

Anonymous said...

my thoughts on it, personally, are that NO ONE SHOULD EVER BE ALLOWED TO TALK ABOUT WHEN A BABY IS COMING. EVER.


i always joked that max was late, like me. i was 17 days overdue. can you imagine? AGGHH. but yeah, i agree that it is pretty silly.

i think what bothers me more is people thinking that having a baby around like 38 weeks is the norm? or something? i had people saying to me all the time, you're STILL pregnant? um, yeah, well, my due date is still 2 weeks from now. what the heck? especially since i just KNEW i'd be overdue, i wanted to say, don't expect anything until a week after my due date! i think next time, i'm just not going to tell anyone when it is... i wonder if that would be better or worse.

i get a little riled up when talking about this stuff. :)

Kim said...

I'm pregnant and when I say that I want my baby to come it better.. Totally kidding. Lol.

jessica said...

ha! i don't even know WHAT to say to this one :)

Amy said...

I think people are just making light of the situation. I have never heard stuff like this said seriously! I think people make statements just in fun. I wouldn't take offense.

Dana said...

Ya know. I've never actually thought about this. I've always just taken comments like that as a joke. I never thought that people were labeling the baby, mom or whatever. Now I'll have to think about it and come back and comment again! :)

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