I've determined

that I don’t know what I’m doing.

Nevermind that I babysat for years and years and had my fair share of challenging kids.
Nevermind that I’ve spent countless hours in school learning about how to “early childhood educate”.
Nevermind that I ran different preschool classrooms ranging in ages of 15 months old to pre-k for almost 10 years of my life.
Nevermind that I lived with/nannied full time for two kids from when they were four and newborn until they were six and two.
Nevermind that I've been a mom now myself for five years already.

I just don’t know what I’m doing.

I don’t know where this grumpy, stubborn, demanding, rebellious child came from.
And I don’t really know what to do with him.

I feel like absolutely all I’ve done today is argue with my two year old…
Yes, we’re all helping to clean up
Yes, there’s the timer, that means we take a potty break
Yes, we’re going to try to go potty now
No, you need to sit down to try to potty
Yes, you need to go potty before we eat
Yes, lunch is ready
Yes, you can have yogurt after you eat what’s on your plate all gone
No, throwing it in the garbage doesn’t count
Yes, you need to eat so you can be strong
Yes, food is good
No, stirring your applesauce doesn’t help it disappear
No, you didn’t eat any bites
No, there’s no pee pee in there yet
No, no stamp if you didn’t go pee pee
No, it doesn’t matter how much you beg, we’re not wearing diapers this morning.
No, it’s not funny to pee on the playroom floor
Yes, we’re going to practice being a big boy.
Please don’t yell at mommy
Please sit down
Please eat some lunch
Please take one bite
Please don’t be so grumpy
Please come and go potty
Please sit down and go potty
Please don’t be silly at the table
Please stop whining
Please stop arguing with me
Please help me clean up
Please would it kill you to just cooperate with me for two seconds today??

Sawyer and I…. We are just not on the same page.
I’ve tried all my tricks, he’s tried all his tantrums.

It's only noon. After three accidents, one potty celebration, one hour-long process of cleaning up the playroom, one birthday present project, one plate of lunch untouched, three hundred tantrums and one Caillou video, I am burnt out. That all took a whole lot more work than it seems it should have. And that’s not even counting my almost five-year-old in the mix --who whines outside the bathroom door, the bathroom door that I’ve been sitting on the floor on the other side of coercing my toddler for 10 minutes to sit and go potty, and she’s whining that “she’s feeling left out because you guys are having so much fun in there”…
I will gladly hand the job over to you my dear if you think it’s so much fun.

I knew having such an easy going laidback girl the first time around was going to bite me in the butt sooner or later…

I’d like to say I’m relieved to have the weekend here, but would you like to hear what our weekend consists of? Chocked full of going going going from morning till night both days…

Saturday birthday party from 10 to noon
Cardinals ball game from noon to four??
Kasey’s coming in Saturday evening to spend the night and ride with us to
Visit the Malone’s church across town Sunday morning for Yuri’s dedication
Followed by lunch and an open house to celebrate with the Malones and friends
Then be back at our church for a dinner at 5 (which we are bringing lasagna to) followed by a church members meeting in which we are actually part of a presentation.

I’d be surprised if we were home by 8pm.

I just want to go to bed now.

*edited to add*
Sawyer decided he didn't need a nap today. Oh Joy.
I'm off to concentrate on having a good afternoon with my kids. Wish me luck.