sooo....

I kind want to just gloss over the past month and talk about happier CHRISTMASSY-ER things, but I will say:
I know I've kind of been avoiding this [new kids in our house] topic, and therefore avoiding most every topic because it's like a white elephant in the room of my head and it's kind of been taking up most of the room.

The thing is, we were totally in limbo with our newest family members.  The entire past month has pretty much been like I'm all turned around and don't know which way is up. Like I've been stuck on a roller coaster and couldn't get off.
Things were not enjoyable around here; not with the "system", not when it comes to these kids' issues and their bleak future outlook, and definitely not with the tension level in our house.
It was okay... we all functioned, we all got along, we made some fun family memories... but it wasn't until Lexi and Cale moved out yesterday that I could feel the difference.  The biggest difference was in me.  It was like I could breathe again.  I could relax, I could cry, I could breathe.  I knew this was all heavy, but I did not truly understand the weight of this situation on me until we said our goodbyes and I walked back into our home with this "mess" not on my plate anymore.

(I do need to say, this was not about Lexi herself... for the most part she was absolutely fine to have here.  There were a few sticky point and a few things to tiptoe around (imagine that- with a teenager?!), but really our issues were not with her personally.  It was all in the way this whole thing played out with the department.)

(And I know I'm being super vague and cryptic, but I just don't want to dive into it right now and I really will explain more later. After the happier things which have been robbed of their December place here.)

I honestly feel like the past month has gone on without me.  Like I ducked out the middle of last month and haven't resurfaced until now.  In every aspect of my life.
But I'm back now.
And I have Christmas gifts to finish making, and Christmas baking deliveries to line up and school Christmas party things to get done. 

Let's get on with the merry!

(and please say a prayer for Lexi and Cale that the new home they're in will really be good for them and that they can honestly have a merry season too. I'm hoping the gifts and the overflowing stockings and the soooo many hugs we sent them off with will help too, but prayers, really, are what they need.)